Finding out that you have herpes can come as a shock and a heartbreak, especially if you don’t have a steady partner and are searching for love. Learning to live with the diagnosis can involve a lot of fear and questioning.

What makes dating when you have herpes so anxiety-ridden? When you’re diagnosed with herpes, it’s typical to feel fearful of judgment, concerned about spreading it to future romantic interests, and other fears. It is a scary time. On the bright side, dating with herpes doesn’t usually end up being as terrifying as the newly-diagnosed expect.

Your Disease Is Not Your Identity

Herpes is just a disease. It does not define who you are. It can be hard to remember this, especially shortly after diagnosis. You are much more than your disease. One of the hardest and
yet most important things to remember when dating with herpes is that ALL dating is hard. There’s a pretty high likelihood of encountering drama and heartbreak, even if you don’t have herpes. Dating is dating whether you have herpes or not.

The vast majority of people who are dating are doing so for more than just sex. Sure, there are some exceptions, people whose main focus is sex, but those people are far outnumbered by those who date primarily because they want to spend time with people they like, people they find interesting and attractive. In those cases, a herpes diagnosis isn’t such a big deal. You can work with it, just like you work with things about your partner in all relationships, whether it’s a disease, a disability, a differing perspective or even just a tendency to snore.

Be Honest About Your Diagnosis Well Before Sex

It is difficult to decide when to reveal your diagnosis to your partner. You need to find the right balance between being direct and upfront, and being discreet enough to prevent him or her
from getting scared off without giving you a chance. If you wait too long, your partner may feel tricked or betrayed. This is why we recommend disclosing this piece of information to your love interest well before sex is initiated. Within that parameter, choose your timing based on the situation.

Getting Comfortable with Rejection

It’s a hard truth to accept, but it’s just the way it is: Some people are going to flat out reject you when you reveal that you have herpes. Here are some common worries related to rejection:

– Worrying about when you should tell them about your diagnosis.
– Wondering how they will react when the time comes for you to tell them.
– Fearing a negative reaction.
– Fearing that you may spread the virus to an uninfected partner.
– Being ashamed of your infection, and how it may make others view you as dirty.
– Feeling uncomfortable with the idea that if you tell one person they may tell others.

It tends to be better to alleviate some of the stress by getting to the point sooner rather than later. If you choose to cut to the chase and reveal the info early, it’s smart to have some flyers or
pamphlets on hand to help you help your partner understand the risks and concerns that come along with herpes. Arm yourself with knowledge about how you can reduce the risk of spreading the infection to your partner. It will help you feel more confident and less stressed.

Herpes Dating Sites Are Often Helpful

If you want to save yourself from the trauma of rejection (whether you’ve endured it too many times and you’re tired of it or you haven’t been through it yet but you doubt your capacity to
cope productively) consider the option of a herpes dating site. Even if you don’t want to limit yourself by only searching for partners on a herpes site, it will help you grow more comfortable with your situation and meet other people who are experiencing the same things. A lot of people with herpes find that herpes dating sites meet all their needs. They relish never
having to have again the awkward conversation of explaining herpes to someone who doesn’t even try to understand. With herpes dating sites, one of the biggest hurdles has already been
jumped for you from the get-go. It makes it easier to open up to the possibility of true love and connection. If this sounds appealing to you, check out reviews of some top herpes dating sites
so you can decide which one to join.