Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

Dream Lover
Where Are You?

Do you feel socially challenged to the point that you would prefer to stay home with the dog eating popcorn and kibble and watching old Lassie Movies rather than go to a party?  Are you tired of being alone but just don’t know they mysteries of how to find your dream lover?

One of my male clients complained:

“There just isn’t anyone to meet.  The ones I would like to ask out are either taken, or don’t seem to be interested in me when I get near them.” 

He felt that he would never find someone. Forty-one and unmarried, he was socially awkward and found going to parties or other events to be painful experiences.

He is now in a relationship with the girl of his dreams.  How did he get there?  Here are seven secrets he learned that brought him the woman of his dreams:

To meet a dream lover you have to BE a dream lover.

Secrets To Meet Your Dream Lover

Number One: Go places
Dream lovers get out of the house.  Woody Allen once said, “Ninety-five percent of life is showing up.”  You’ve got to get out of the house.  Take out your calendar, call your friends and people in your family, and commit to going places.  When you make agreements with people, the odds are that you will keep them.  Go to the gym, bookstore, museum, coffee shop, place of worship, reunions, funerals, weddings, and activities you have a passion for.  Get started—today.  She can’t find you if she can’t see you.

Number Two: Be Friendly
Dream lovers learn to be friendly. It’s not the guy with the smooth line for picking up girls that you aspire to being.  You only need to be you—a friendly you.  If you don’t talk, how can anyone get to know you?  If you are tongue-tied and super shy, go to the hardware store and practice talking to strangers.  If you make a flub, who cares?  You’ll probably never see these people again.  But find a friendly looking guy and ask him a question.  Keep doing this over and over until you feel relatively comfortable talking to someone you don’t know.  Next, go to the mall and practice talking to strangers in a new setting.  This technique works!  Finally, when you get to a social setting, scan the room for an interesting woman, get near her, and ask her a question.  If you like her, keep talking.

Number Three: Grooming Counts
Dream lovers take time to look good. Just in case your mother never told you this: women like men who are clean, well groomed, and who smell good.  Don’t overdo the aftershave, so that it shouts at everyone when you walk in a room, but a faint smell of a masculine scent is appealing.   Clean nails, hands, hair, and clothes are all attractive to women.  Go through your wardrobe and ask a woman friend what looks good on you.

Number Four: Pay Attention to Your Colors
Dream lovers wear dreamy colors. No one had ever told my client that he had gorgeous green eyes.  When he put on a shirt of the same color, he sizzled.  Actually, the eyes have more than one color.  Identify them and find clothes that match those colors and notice how people are attracted to you.  Watch out for bright white and fire engine red.  Only certain skin tones can wear those colors.  Also, bright white can make your teeth and the whites of your eyes look yellow.

Number Five: Polish Your Communication Skills
Dream lovers say nice things. Self-deprecating wit can be endearing, but don’t let it slip the bounds of putting yourself or anyone else down.  Sarcasm or mean remarks will cause people to turn away from you.  Also, be careful not to sound like you are boasting as you talk about yourself.  Women are impressed with men who are good listeners and can rephrase what they have said.

Number Six: Have a Promising Future
Dream lovers have a bright future. There is no bigger turn on to a woman than a man with a great career or a great career plan.  Naturally, the career plan needs to be grounded in reality.  It doesn’t matter how successful a woman is—she wants to know that a guy can take care of her if she needed him to.

Number Seven: Attitude Affects Everything
Dream lovers hold onto a good attitude. No one wants to be around a blamer or a complainer.  Talking about your Ex, your boss, or anyone you feel victimized by is not going to attract women to you.  If you find that you harbor old resentments from past relationships, find some counseling to get past it. 

And what is your attitude about taking good care of yourself?  Do you aspire to the best health that you can?  If you have problems with addictions, help is out there for you.  

Finally, it is an attitude of enthusiasm, humor, and an upbeat outlook on life that is very sexy.

If you are a timid person around women, or if you just don’t know what to say when you are out socially, think about some of the above.  It takes practice; it takes courage; it takes an attitude of never giving up.  These seven secrets will help you be and find your dream lover.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at tonja@tonjaweimer.com, visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.

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