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Barb ElginBarb Elgin's Secrets to Lasting Lesbian Love
by Barb Elgin

In this column, Barb Elgin, a licensed therapist and love coach with almost 25 years experience on the 'front lines', helping singles and couples like yourself, navigates what she calls the 'journey of love'. 

Elgin is also a lesbian woman.  And, if you couldn't tell already, she's extremely passionate about the topics of love, dating and relationship health. 

"I look at my work as a calling, my legacy (perhaps the child I never had?) and, it's just that important."

Elgin's vision for this column is to help you improve your relationship knowledge and skills so you can experience greater satisfaction in your love life, whether you are gay or straight.  This column will break new ground in mainstream media and Internet for lesbians and those who live, love or work with them


New Column: Secrets to Lasting Lesbian Love!

Welcome to Online Dating Magazine's (ODM's) newest column: Barb Elgin's Secrets to Lasting Lesbian Love!  Thank you for 'tuning in'! 

I want to begin by sharing with you the #1 reason you NEED to read this new column...

You WILL improve your love life by learning from lesbians...

Currently, when you search the web, you will see lesbian and gay web sites talking about love, dating and relationships.  However, a serious, respected voice in the mainstream media for lesbians is sorely lacking and, in the lesbian community, we still lack widely-available, research and practice-based, common sense information and education for lesbians who desire support in creating lasting, committed relationships.

I plan to fill these voids.  Because there is still a degree of real danger in announcing one's lesbianism, we don't know for sure how many lesbians there are in the United States.  Depending on the study you cite, estimates have ranged from one up to 15-20 percent!  And, when you include everyone who knows, works with or is related to a lesbian, that's all of us!  Everyone needs to better understand what it's like to live and love as a lesbian in our society. 

Most of the dating, relating and mating issues lesbians experience are similar to heterosexuals and gay men.  But there are unique concerns, mostly due to societal attitudes and the dynamics that come into play in a romantic relationship between two women.  As a result, lesbians have much to teach everyone about life and love.

Lesbians have unique needs, when it comes to relationship health

There are plenty of romantic relationship concerns unique to lesbians, because we live in a world that often judges and misunderstands.  And, don't kid yourself or trivialize these differences.  They exist and they are detrimental to many of your lesbian and gay neighbors.

For example: imagine being unable to marry the person you love, because the law says you can't.  Imagine being with your spouse or committed partner for decades, but being unable to provide some financial security for him or her upon your death, because a federal benefit such as social security (which you paid into the system just like married heterosexuals do), isn't available to you by law?

Worse yet, because much of our culture has been 'unwelcoming' and even 'hostile' at times on the issue of sexual orientation, most lesbians themselves reflect that by carrying around the prejudiced and negative attitudes societal institutions and organizations (social, religious, legal, occupational, health, etc.) have fostered. 

Imagine the experience of your average lesbian teen in today's American public or private schools.  Today, as I write this, if we look at America as a whole, the level of support we give these kids is pathetic.  Going through adolescence is difficult enough.  Imagine wanting to date a same-sexed classmate, just like your male classmates are dating the girls they like.  How do you do that, and not face a myriad of negative consequences?  What if you'd like to take your girlfriend to the prom?  In most school systems in the United States, there isn't a standard in place to support girls in doing so.  Imagine you are an adult and you have a hard time finding compatible women to date in your town because so many lesbians are still afraid to be 'out and visible', even if there are more social options (other than just bars and sports teams) than there was last year. Imagine believing there is no chance for you to live your truth AND go to heaven?

A second big uniqueness to lesbian love are the relationship dynamics that come into play when two women are emotionally and sexually attracted to one another. Yes, many of the concerns lesbians have are quite similar to the concerns straights and gay men experience.  But, due to issues such as the social stresses of being lesbian in both the straight and gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) communities, gender socialization, and physical similarities (for example: hormones), there are times when single lesbians who are dating and lesbian couples are facing concerns or challenges gay males and heterosexuals don't experience.

My goal in this column is clarifying these similarities and differences as they relate to attracting, growing and sustaining deeply satisfying, lasting lesbian love.  I suspect that when YOU get educated on these issues, whether you are gay, lesbian or straight, you will improve your love life.  Yes!  You can have a more satisfying relationship by learning from the single and coupled lesbians in your life.  It's true!

How to get the most out of this column

Barb Elgin's Secrets to Lasting Lesbian Love column is very interactive, meaning, please, please, please, speak up!  I envision this column becoming an active conversation, not just me talking at you!  So, please – participate!  This column will be so much better if you can help me understand what you most want to talk about, learn about, etc. 

After all, bottom line, this column is for YOU!

When you like a particular article, I'd like to recommend you forward it to your family, friends and co-workers.   Chances are if you find what I'm saying helpful, hopeful or, even controversial, those you care about will too!

If you are wondering how to 'stay in the loop', ask questions, make comments, etc., it's easy to do so.  There are many ways 'to play':

Lastly, my only rule is that you be respectful in your comments.  If I or Online Dating Magazine deems your comments detract from worthwhile discussion, we may remove your post. 

So, again, I want to thank you for joining me on this amazing journey.  WELCOME!!!  I am honored you are here with me.  Stay tuned for juicy articles on creating lasting love.  I look forward to being a part of your happiness and success!


For 25 years now, Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, has been discovering the secrets to lasting lesbian love.  Now she wants to share them with you!  Dating and relationship coaching is available with Barb live and 'on demand' every Wednesday evening from 7-10p ET at 352-347-3577/toll free 866-396-2272.  To learn more about Barb – and her email is

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

> - The best approach to find the one. <

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