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Dating with Disabilities
by Melissa Blake

Sour Patch Kids and Facebook Affairs

That’s it. I’ve come to the most undesirable of undesirable conclusions: I am far too subtle. In life? Of course not. In love, though? Oh, yeah. And when I really, really think about it, sometimes I don’t like it. At all.

You see, there’s a fine line to walk in the subtle/forward debate when it comes to love. You don’t want to appear too “available” (I think we all know what I’m talking about here, so I won’t elaborate seeing as I’m a lady and all), yet you don’t want to give off the ultimate turn-off vibe of being an Ice Queen.

I blame all this contemplation on the large bag of Sour Patch Kids I bought yesterday. Almost a year ago, I found myself in the throes of a Facebook Affair (OK, as far as Facebook Affairs can go, I suppose) with an old classmate of mine from high school. I’m not even sure how we got to talking, but pretty soon, I found myself looking forward to the funny chats we had during the day.


So what did I do when I found out he was coming home last year for Christmas? You guessed it. I sent him this casual Merry Christmas note (see, there I go again looking for ANY excuse to email anyone!). I meant it to be a casual note. Instead, I ended up writing (and sending) this little gem:

I'm sure you're probably hobnobbing all around town, but I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you're having a good day -- though I need something to warm me up from this cold weather! Can you take some of it back to California with you? ;)

I know I've said this before, but I've enjoyed getting to know you over the last few months (we really should have known each other in high school!). Our mid-day facebook chats have brought many a smile to my face, so that pretty much makes you a cool guy in my book.

And, I hope this isn't too personal, but, honestly, you're one of the first - and few - guys who haven't made me feel horribly self-conscious.

Anyway, I'm going to stop now before I really start sounding like a complete dork. Have a safe trip home to California. I hope we can chat in the new year!

Melissa :)

I knew I'd regret it if I didn't send it, but now I'm just running all the possible scenarios through my head of how he'll take this note. Is it too direct? Is it too awkward? Is it too "OMG, this is coming out of nowhere!"? Did I say too much? Did I say it right....?

That night, as I was lying in bed, Heart's "Alone" kept repeating itself in my head. And, of course, my romantic heart couldn't help but envision this *perfect* scenario: We accidentally bump into each other around town, preferably in a coffee shop, sit down and end up talking and laughing the entire night. You know, like all those lovely scenes in all those lovely romantic comedies. Instead of my usual love life being either nonexistent or a plain old nightmare, this would be a perfect dream, yet it would be reality! Ahhhh, the power of the "WHAT IFs."

The questioning, it seems, could go on forever. SO...did I make a seriously bad move? Would getting something like this totally freak you out? Or am I just making too much of it all?

You get the idea.

How do some women do it? How can they be so forward? I just in awe of these women who go after relationships/people they want to get to know. It all seems so effortless for them, and then there's me.....I THOUGHT "JUST WANTED TO PUT IT OUT THERE" WOULD AT LEAST ELICIT SOME SORT OF RESPONSE...

It didn’t.

What was it about him that makes me want to get to know him better? Sure, obviously one of the reasons is that he seems unfazed by my disability, which is a first me in the guy department.

That alone gave me a sort of confidence, I suppose, that I never had before. So remember when I sent him this note:

You males out there, how would you take that last part to mean of my e-message? I was trying to find a subtle, coy way of saying "Hey, I like you. As in, like you, like you." I think I came off too subtle yet again.

So I'm left wondering how one goes about getting someone's attention, short of stating the obvious in plain old English.


Dating with Disabilities is published every Tuesday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Melissa Blake. Melissa is a freelance writer and columnist. Her work has been featured in Redbook, Pregnancy magazine and the Chicago Tribune. She can be reached at

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