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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating Triumphs & Tragedies > Take it or Leave it

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

This is Me
Take it or Leave it

I heard the expression once that “dating is pretending to be someone you’re not.”  That’s crap.  Sure, most people are nervous on that first date and may not show all their true colors, but ultimately, it’s not just bright yellow, and the blues come out and even the red flags.  Why put yourself, and him, through all that bother of waiting to find out the truth of who you are, when you can just be up front in the beginning?

I know that people want to give a good impression on a first date, especially if they are very interested in that person across the table.  But if things continue, he’s going to find out those bits and pieces of you that aren’t so perfect.  Who cares?  That’s what makes you unique.  Do you think he’s perfect?  Not likely.  There’s no such thing.  And if you start opening up about your true qualities, he should respect that, which will ease him into sharing his as well.


I’m not saying you have to share every little detail of your life within the first 10 minutes of meeting him, but I am saying that you shouldn’t exaggerate details of your life, or hide things, because you’re afraid of what he might think.  That’s disregarding your authentic self, and no one wants that if they are to pursue a relationship.

For example, well, I’ll use me.  Guys usually know right off the bat that I am a klutz.  Super klutzy.  In an online profile, I shared the story about how I was once at the grocery store, slipped on a piece of lettuce, fell, and then got run over by a grocery cart.  Oh, and I had a cast on my wrist too from falling off my bike. True story.  Graceful, right?  That’s one of my more extreme stories, but I put it out there so guys aren’t surprised when I trip over my other foot while walking or bump in to things.  I’m not embarrassed when it happens on a date, and we both laugh it off.  Being too self-conscious will only make you more nervous, and that will do you no good.  It will make him uneasy as well.

I also put out there that I am a Yankees fan.  A proud one; even though they suck right now.  Because, for some reason, the guys I date tend to be Red Sox fans.  I don’t know why, but hey, it’s their (poor) choice, and I’m okay with it.  It gives us something to bicker about, in a fun way.

I have a sweet tooth.  I go to bed entirely too early.  I loved watching “Charmed” reruns.  I will eat anything “pumpkin.”  I love to laugh, maybe too much.  Sometimes I snort.  Have I mentioned I’m klutzy?  Bruises appear on me out of nowhere.  I’ve just been told that I say the word “gosh” too much.  Am I ashamed of any of this?  No.  Because this is who I am, take it or leave it.  And will I hide any of this from someone I date, or pretend to be someone I’m not?  Nope.  Bring me some pumpkin pie and let’s watch “Charmed,” baby.

We all have our things, our likes and dislikes.  It makes us who we are and it makes dating interesting.  The person we date will have his own interests too.  That’s what makes getting to know another person so fun.  You can learn about and share each other’s interests, if you want.  Or you can just know that part of them and let them do their own thing and you, yours, then come together for your commonalities.  As hard as it seems sometimes, the important thing is to be yourself.  No one would want to find out ten dates later that I am actually a klutz, when I said I was a ballet dancer.  That would just be wrong.  And I’m sure he wouldn’t want to stick around to learn the real truth about me.

So as for that quote above?  Toss it out.  Pretending is only fun on Halloween.  Hmm…maybe I can be a ballet dancer this year.  A very uncoordinated ballet dancer.  But I hope that whatever guy I am with at the time will appreciate it.  Or else, he’s outta here.


Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at

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