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Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James Houran, Ph.D

In this column, "Dr. Jim" honestly and candidly answers your questions about dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell you what you want to hear – he tells you what you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering you guidance based on responsible clinical practice and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration in an upcoming issue.

Online Dating Profile Tips

Hi Dr. Jim. Do you have any profile tips you can share on how I can spice up my personal proifle?

Whatever method or resource for use, the key to attracting people to your online presentation remains pretty much the same. The key is that words and photos should work together in a profile to present a holistic view of you. Review yours today to see in what ways your words and photos are redundant, outdated or boring. Those are three nasty gremlins that will sabotage your efforts of getting noticed online. Let’s examine each of those gremlins separately:

Redundant content.
If your profile photos show you holding a dog or sailing on a boat, there’s really no desperate need to state in your profile that you love dogs or the smell of salty air. In these examples the text and photos are certainly contextually relevant, but the redundancy shows no imagination or range of expression. I recommend using a great close-up, headshot for your main photo and then supplementing it with a series of action shots that can showcase your interests and activities as well as your body type. Then, use the space for your profile essay or description to speak to personal and romantic issues – expressions that showcase your personality and sense of self. In other words, don’t have your photos and text tell the same story – have them complement each other and work together to tell a broader story about you. Have each bit of information reveal something new about you. This will keep onlookers intrigued and wanting to explore all of your personal profile.

Outdated content.
How often do you revise your profile? You can gain some great advantages if you change some aspect of it at least every three months. First, it keeps your profile fresh and engaging to regular users of the site. And your frequent site activity will typically keep you in good standing with the service itself. The result is that your profile will be given priority ranking over less active users. Second, it keeps your mindset positive, focused on the future and mindful about presenting yourself at your very best. This is a healthy outlook for attracting romantic prospects. Third, it keeps you alert to subtle changes in yourself that occur as a person matures with age, experience and wisdom. In other words, marketing yourself to others can help you stay in touch with any changing goals, aspirations, needs and limitations.

Boring content.
Routinely changing your profile also gives you a competitive advantage in making you stand out from the crowd and getting you noticed. Consider major celebrities who’ve had the most staying power in the business such as Oprah or Madonna. A big part of their longevity in a competitive industry is their ability to stay current, to reinvent themselves as needed and not to get stuck in the past. The same principle applies to marketing yourself to online daters. Occasionally “mix up” the way you express yourself to others. For example, some people constantly change out photos (see above), while some people trade in photos for avatars. Avatars can be cute, clever and provocative. They also offer a degree of privacy. That said, most people will still want to see a photograph of you. Other people publish their poetry in their profiles, upload collages of images or self-created art. In fact, great images can have great impact in stopping romantic prospects in their tracks to find out more.

You don’t need to be Keats or DaVinci to learn how to express yourself in new and refreshing ways. One unique and clever resource that has received some great media attention lately is Marina Orlova and her free site called www.hotforwords.com.

Marina is a philologist – someone who studies linguistics and etymology. Her website and YouTube channel (http://www.youtube.com/hotforwords) are fun resources to learn more about the power of words in expressing yourself. Check it out, and remember to have fun revising your personal profile. If you haven’t had any fun creating your profile, chances are others will have little fun exploring it

Dr. James Houran's "Office Hours with Dr. Jim" column is published every Monday.

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