Bookmark and Share

Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Office Hours with Dr. Jim > Remove Online Dating Profile

Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James Houran, Ph.D

In this column, "Dr. Jim" honestly and candidly answers your questions about dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell you what you want to hear – he tells you what you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering you guidance based on responsible clinical practice and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration in an upcoming issue.


When Should I Remove my Online Dating Profile?

I’ve met someone online, but I’m unsure about if and when I should remove my online dating profile. What do you suggest?


There are really two inherent questions here: “When should you remove your online dating profile?” and “When should you expect the other person to remove his/her online dating profile?” Let’s talk about each separately…

“When should you remove your online dating profile?”

The answer should follow from your comfort level, but keep one thing in mind… you may have different expectations than the other person. And taking down your profile – especially if you’re on the same site – can unwittingly add unwanted pressure on the other person and strain your developing romance. Here are some guidelines for helping you answer this question for yourself:

  • Am I taking down my profile just because the other person asked me to do? Don’t do it unless it’s what you want and it feels right.
  • Am I taking down my profile in the hopes this will please the other person? Don’t do it if it’s being done for manipulation.
  • Am I taking down my profile because I feel this person is different? Don’t do it, if you honestly don’t know the new prospect well. People can be quite different than how they present themselves online. Sustained contact and interaction offline is the only way for a real relationship to move forward. Until then, people are living through a fantasy to some extent and putting themselves at risk for unmet expectations.

Some legitimate reasons to remove your profile involve how serious you are about another person and the implications of this based on your value system. For example:

  • Regardless of the other person, you feel committed to exploring the relationship and therefore don’t want to lead on other online daters who may contact you.
  • You have discussed with the other person where the relationship is going and have jointly decided that removing profiles is a logical step forward.
  • You have discussed with the other person the prospect of moving the relationship forward and have decided that removing your profiles is a good test to see whether a new level of commitment feels right.

The bottom line is that you shouldn’t remove your profile unless you have carefully considered the implications for you and the other person and are comfortable with those implications. This sounds simple, but online daters rarely think of this as an important step or action – and it is.

 “When should I expect the other person to remove his/her online dating profile?”
People will only remove their own profiles when they feel comfortable, and comfort levels vary even within couples. Some people are even chronic online daters and will never remove a profile. In my view, it’s entirely unrealistic to expect someone to remove a profile if the relationship you have is confined to cyberspace. In other words, profiles probably shouldn’t come down until there’s some level of shared and clearly define commitment and expectation shared by both people, and both people have worked this out after meeting and getting to know each other offline. There’s no substitute for having clear, shared expectations. In this way, a couple is on the same page and agrees on the meaning of certain reciprocal actions in a relationship.

And even after you’ve met and worked out relationship expectations face-to-face, there are other options than simply taking down a profile. After all, paid sites can be expensive and leaving a profile online may be the most practical choice. For example, either or both parties can “suspend” their accounts – that is, not use the accounts at all or post a qualifier in the profile that the person is currently “unavailable” because of a new relationship that s/he is exploring. In some ways, this can be a win-win situation because it avoids the pressure of removing a profile completely while at the same time advertises to the world that you are taken (temporarily at least!). Remember, women love when men make public displays of affection – expressions that show others that you two are a couple. This called a “couple identity.”  Announcing in your profile that you’re now taken by “a wonderful woman that you intend to get to know better” may actually earn you brownie points by your new partner. In the unfortunate case that the relationship ends for whatever reason, you may even garner some sympathy from other women and therefore appear more sensitive and caring than your competition and get more winks and hits later! This will definitely help you “rebound” back from the relationship quicker.


Dr. James Houran's "Office Hours with Dr. Jim" column is published every Monday.

> - The best approach to find the one. <

All Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is © copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.

Do you agree or disagree with this article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter to the Editor today or post a comment below.


blog comments powered by Disqus

Privacy Statement | Code of Ethics Statement
Bookmark Online Dating Magazine at

>View Online Dating Magazine Singles Travel Adventures<

Online Dating | News | Columns | Features | Dating Services | Niche Dating
Online Dating Directory | Dating Humor | Quick Tip Articles | Online Dating Industry
Industry History
| Online Dating Reviews | Reader Reviews | Dating Videos | Book / DVD Reviews
Reader Letters | Self Improvement | Experiences | Newsletter | Interviews
Top 10 Lists | STD Info Center | About Us | Advertise
Media Center
| FAQ | Search | Contact | Dating Promotions

Dating Cartoons | Dating Jokes | Funny Dating Videos | Dating Games

Online Dating Magazine Needs Your Help!

All content on this Website is ©copyright by Online
Dating Magazine. All Rights Reserved. The content
on this site may not be reused or republished.

Are you an online dating site Webmaster? If so...
If you are looking for free dating content you can republish, click here



Advertise on
Online Dating Magazine



Stay Up to Date:

Follow Us on Twitter

Follow Us on YouTube

Follow Us on Facebook


10 Most Viewed Articles:

Online Dating Tips
Opposites Attract
Online Dating Safety Tips
Rose Colors
Guys are Weird
Dating Games
Online Dating Reviews
Creative Date Ideas
Long Distance Relationships
Dealing with a Breakup

Other Resources:

These links will take you away from Online Dating Magazine.

Google (Google Your Date)
Research Dating Service)

MailOrderBride Guide

Note: Online Dating Magazine does not sell text links anywhere on the site, so please don't email asking about text links. Any links we have are affiliate links, resources we find useful, links to other sites we run or long-time magazine sponsors. We do have graphic ad options in our Advertising section.