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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Office Hours with Dr. Jim > Love Coaches

Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James Houran, Ph.D

In this column, "Dr. Jim" honestly and candidly answers your questions about dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell you what you want to hear – he tells you what you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering you guidance based on responsible clinical practice and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration in an upcoming issue.

Love, Dating, and Relationship Coaches

Quick Access:
Dating Coaches and Relationship Coaches

As the number of dating sites and the level of technology has increased, some daters have turned to love and relationship coaches for a more personal touch. With that in mind, Online Dating Magazine readers will be treated to a series of stories and interviews with some of the top coaches in the field today. Have fun learning about their backgrounds, professional approaches and philosophies on love and dating.

To start things off, meet Carolin Dahlman, love coach.

Tell us about your background and why daters should listen to and trust your advice?

I am a professional life coach, who has written three books about coaching and helped thousands of people feel great about themselves.

My goal has always been to help people to a happy life. I wasn’t at all going to work with love… No, I studied political science and journalism and was a political debater for many years. Love coaching came to me as a calling one day when I started to question my work. Was I creating more conflict and negative energy when arguing and debating? Was that my purpose? I found coaching as a tool to create freedom and give people power in their everyday life. My aim was to reduce the amount of politics, but with coaching I came closer to people’s hearts. I was just going to write that book, but people started coming to me for help, and now I have surrendered J. Politics might have been a cooler area to work in, but I wanted to be warm. I’m not earning as much money today, but my conscience is clean. I’m contributing with positive energy today.

My own love life has been up and down. I have gone through all the emotions and stages. This gives me a greater understanding of the dramas than a person who’s been married his whole life. I sometimes think I get challenged a lot to be able to help on a deeper level. I know how they feel.

Have you used your coaching principles in your own relationship? Please share some key examples.

I was in long term relationships during my 20’s. During my 30’s I’ve had a lot of fun… It’s been a journey where I’ve found myself, asked a lot of difficult questions and changed. I’m still on a journey, so I haven’t settled just yet. I want to be ready and the person I want to be, before I attract another partner. Coaching has changed my life. I am more powerful than ever and have learned to change some patterns and emotional routines I had. I love myself today.

In what areas do you find daters needing the most coaching?  That is, are there predictable and common mistakes that daters make or skills they need to hone more?

Most people are scared of loosing control, falling in love and approaching. They don’t want to be hurt or rejected, so they have all kinds of strategies to avoid love – finding faults, dating many at the same time, sabotaging… Those who are most scared are the men and women who don’t think highly of themselves. I usually have to coach them to self esteem, a positive attitude to life and believing in love first. Love starts from within.

From your perspective as a woman what advice can you share with men, specifically what do men really need to know about women?

Oooo J a lot. I think many men need to know that women like it when a guy knows what he wants and go for it. It makes us feel feminine, wanted and taken care of. That’s why we go for bad boys… A nice guy doesn’t have to treat us mean, just be strong. Girls want to talk about issues a lot, and it’s great if guys come along on that. Relationships get better if the two share their wants and needs. Don’t please in the way you want to be pleased.

Gee, it’s a lot… but that will do for now!

Again from your perspective what things should women most keep in mind when getting to know men online?

Women have to take things easy. They “fall in love” so quickly and make future plans before even meeting the guy. Slow down chicks and get to know the person first.

What coaching services do you provide and how can people get in touch with you?

I do the coaching every person needs. We are all on our own level and everyone needs are unique. I can easily read people and see where they are and what would be good for them to work on. I offer different packages, depending on how brave a person is. It’s all on I only coach people who are ready to put some effort in finding love or create a better relationship. You cant just come to me once a week and think it will be all good. Every person is responsible for their own development. All I can do is to push, pull and give a helping hand on the way. If a person is ready love coaching is a very efficient tool to reach goals and dreams

> - The best approach to find the one. <

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