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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > How to Turn a Man On

by Jennifer Brown Banks

Eight Ways to Turn a Man ON Without Taking Your Clothes OFF

Consider this a public service message—ladies, you can be a “turn-on” without taking your clothes off.

The unenlightened female is unaware that “true intimacy” isn't actually achieved through engaging in intimate acts or bedroom gymnastics. In fact, few realize that the biggest sex organ is the brain.

To the contrary, today's SAVVY woman knows that to have true lasting impact and real staying power with  a “quality man”, you must appeal to his heart and his head...not just his hormones.


As proof positive, ask any man who he would identify to be “the love of his life”, and you'll find that rarely is this the female he had the most “passion” or sexual chemistry with.

Though studies may show that men think about sex many times throughout the day, they're not one track minded!

Men are motivated by many things when it comes to dating and mating---like being validated and supported, being stimulated mentally, and having a woman to challenge them, to name a few.

In other words, sex may get a girl in a guy's Little Black Book, but it won't necessarily get her into the corridors of his heart!  For most men sex is recreational, it doesn't offer the cohesion most women would believe.

With this in mind, I felt compelled to share the following lessons on love and intimacy especially after watching a few recent talk shows in which “sex-perts” ill-advised audience members on how to catch and keep a man.  One such sex-pert even told one of the ladies that there's nothing wrong with sleeping with a guy on the first date, if the situation dictates.

That's bad and irresponsible advice, particularly for today's times. Don't be deceived.  There are many ways to turn a man on without taking your clothes off!    

How to Turn a Man On:

  1. Cook up something “steamy” in the kitchen
    Ladies, it's true...the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  Get out those pots and pans and those family recipes and cultivate some culinary delights!  Don't forget the cute outfit and high heels.:-)  

  2. Stimulate his mind.
    It's a fallacy that guys don't like smart women, (unless they're insecure).  Read best selling books and discuss them over dinner.  Tune into current events and solicit his opinions.  Share your financial literacy.  Battle him in board games  Be an interesting conversationalist. Wow him with your intellect.

  3. Learn the art of sensual massages.
    What greater comfort after a long, hard day at work?  There are books, tapes, and even online instructions available to suit your schedule and budget.

  4. Pamper him.
    Whether it's through helping him around his house, cooking for him, sending him romantic cards, listening to his work woes, buying him his favorite candy, or nursing him back to health when he's sick, it will endear you to him and make him feel special.

  5. Support his goals and dreams
    Does he aspire to own his own business? Go back to school for a graduate degree? Purchase real estate? Encourage and embrace his endeavors.  Be his personal “cheer leader”.

  6. Dance for him
    It doesn't have to be anything raunchy.  You decide.  Just make sure it's fun and enticing. Belly dancing has become a popular choice for many.

  7. Appeal to his senses.
    Wear complimentary fragrances for his sense of smell , be soft to the touch, dress femininely to be a vision of loveliness.

  8. Be his “go to” girl.
    It's just as important to fulfill his “life's need”s as his “lust needs.” Be dependable and trustworthy.

By following these “turn-on” tips, you'll discover lasting love and enjoy “true intimacy” in your next relationship.

Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


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