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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > Trading Down in Dating

by Jennifer Brown Banks

Trading Down and Other Dumb Dating Decisions

"If you keep on doing what you're doing, you'll keep on getting what you're getting

Okay, “riddle me this.”

Would you trade a Mercedes Benz for a Ford Escort?

And let me poll you fine folks to find out if you'd move from a plush penthouse apartment to a one room shack in a shady part of town?

For most of the sane majority, the answer to these questions would likely be no.

So, here's the real $64,000 question...

Why is it that quite a few fellas, (certainly not all), sacrifice a good relationship with a pretty, poised, professional chick to cheat on her with the checkout girl at Burger Hut? Or others with a similar totem-pole position.

Huh?  I just don't get it.

This “brain teaser” really has me baffled.

Certainly I'm not suggesting that relationships be based upon status or materialistic things, but like other areas of life, I believe that we should evolve to higher levels.

The subject surfaced after watching several episodes of the popular show 'CHEATERS”.

Time and time again, I witness guys lose their homes, their ass-ets and their family ties for a simple fling and a few cheap thrills.

Call me crazy, but something's wrong with this picture!

And this doesn't just happen with young, unexperienced guys, this lapse of judgment and immature game-playing exists with guys that are old enough to be the dad of the girls they're cheating with.

Go figure.

No doubt, we've all made foolish mistakes in matters of the heart.   Myself included.

But some of us are “stuck on stupid” and continuously make mistakes that compromise our quality of life, and the ability to find that “happily-ever-after” ending that many of us seek and deserve.

Here are a few examples:

  • Single women who date married men for years while putting their lives on hold, because he promises to leave her one day.  Statistics show that even when these men leave their wives for the other woman, the odds are against long-term success.

  • Females who pose for provocative pictures to please their men's wishes, and never entertain the possibility that a bad break up could happen in the future and those pictures may come back to haunt.  Better safe than sorry.

  • Men who go from girl to girl believing that the grass is greener on the other side. (NOT!) In love and life remember that there's always a trade off. Always!

  • Those who sign on for one night stands in this day and age of diseases.

  • Women who try to buy the affection of guys by loaning them money, paying their rent, and lavishing them with expensive gifts. To quote a popular song “money can't buy you love.”

  • Those who engage in dating and domestic violence. Love is not supposed to hurt.

  • People who have unprotected relations. Can you say “free clinic”?

  • Women who look to men to be validated or “rescued”. Self-esteem is a do-it-yourself project.

  • Mama's boys who refuse to grow up, move out, and stand up!

  • Those who fail to exercise “due diligence” in dating.  Get a clue!

  • Folks who don't deal with their “excess baggage” and unresolved issues before going into relationships. (Self analysis and self inventory are crucial in moving forward.)

Are you guilty of any of these love infractions? Is your love life or lack thereof causing you to lose sleep, peace, or hope? Is there a pattern in the partners you've chosen in the past?

If so, make 2009 the year to leave these destructive dating decisions behind. You're better than that.;-)


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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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