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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > Small Words, Big Impact

by Jennifer Brown Banks

Small Words that Have a Big Impact in Good Relationships


It’s such a small word... But with major impact.

In fact, it’s integral to our physical, emotional, spiritual and social well-being.

Yet not enough people realize its true gravity.

Here’s how I had this revelation. ..

When I was younger (and less enlightened)J I used to strut my stuff in too small shoes, if they had Diva dynamics and I got them in a true bargain sale! Never mind if they were too small or too tight for my no-arch-having-flat-fred-flinstone type feet!

After all, presentation was important!
Many years later, I paid the price.

The tab? Aching feet, foot pain, back problems, and less mileage in terms of wearability.

The same holds true for the jeans I wore that were so tight it looked like I was poured into them. Ahh, youth!

A little older and wiser, I’ve come to conclude that fit is fiercely important; especially in matters of the heart.

Think about it.

How many times have you met a cute guy or gal only to realize that he or she didn’t “fit” with you lifestyle, or family, or goals?

Either it caused distress to the relationship, or it likely ended it. Am I right?

Although I do believe that there is some legitimacy to the expression “opposites attract”, I also believe that there should be a good deal of commonalities and fit for the union to go the distance.

Here are a few other “small” words that have BIG impact in good relationships:

1. TRUST ¬ Trust is crucial to establishing a bond and building a future with the object of your desire.  To be without it is like a sandwich without bread!

2. GOALS ¬ Not only is this word a common consideration when assessing career goals, it also applies to romantic coupling as well.  Where do you see the relationship in 5 months? 5 years? Would you like to run your own business? Have a baby? Travel? Your partner should ideally be on the same page for long term compatibility.

3. JOY ¬ Contrary to popular opinion, love is not supposed to hurt! Do you laugh together? Share funny jokes? Sure there will be good times and bad ones, but if the pain outweighs the joy, reassess and redirect your emotional energies.

4. LOVE ¬ Though some would argue that love is not crucial for a good relationship, I believe that it helps to endure the ups and downs and daily rigors of life.

5. BOND ¬ No not James Bond.  Bond as in having a spiritual and mental connection.  How do you feel when spending time with him/or her? Can he or she be trusted to keep their word? Is he/she your best friend? These are things to consider when evaluating if the relationship has “glue” to go the distance.

6. WOW! ¬ As in wow factor! I think this speaks for itself.

7. TOUCH ¬ Do the two of you routinely cuddle? Hold hands? Stroke each other gently? Give massages? Soothe pain? These are key ingredients of good lovin’.

8. GOD ¬ I personally believe that a good relationship is made stronger by a good spiritual foundation and a union with the Creator. I don’t believe that it’s actually necessary to both embrace the same religion, though it helps.  As long as the key principles and doctrines are compatible, you’re off to a good start.

9. FAITH ¬ This trait embraced simply says that you are optimistic about your future together, that you believe that the other person has your best interest at heart.

20. KIND ¬ Are you and your mate kind to one another? Do you speak words of support and warmth? When there is dissention, do you fight fairly, choosing your words with caution?

To quote a popular comedian “The way you fight in a marriage will determine how long you stay married.”

So keep these 10 SMALL WORDS in your love vocabulary for longevity and years of passion and promise!


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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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