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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > What's on My Mind

by Jennifer Brown Banks

What's on My Mind in 2009


My findings on Study findings!

Every year organizations, behaviorists, theorists, and the likes conduct “scientific” studies and produce findings to “theoretically” help us to love better, learn more, and live a more enhanced life.

Not always.

In fact, I’d like to do a study on the millions of dollars devoted to those pursuits, that the average individual with a little cognitive ability and common sense could deduce himself. Go figure!

Like studies that prove that men and women are fundamentally different. Duh? We learned that in grade school!

Here’s another shocker: A study conducted by the Consumer Federation of America reports that “women who lived on their own following divorce, separation or death of a spouse, or those who never married, had more trouble saving for the future” than their attached peers.  You don’t say?  Ever heard of “two incomes are better than one”? It’s simple math.

Another shrewd survey reveals that the chances for a heart attack increase with the number of year’s exposure to a bad boss.  In essence? STUPID-VISORS can make you ill.  Now that’s news we can use, Sherlock!

I personally say that more funds should be allocated to the real conundrums of life---like why in one of the most affluent countries of the world, we can’t end homelessness.  Or why tw0 year olds can be potty trained, yet we can’t men to put the toilet seats down after they tinkle! Still!


How do you spell desperate?

I’m a big fan of many of the dating reality shows on T.V. (particularly the ever-popular BACHELOR and THE BACHELORETTE, and the more recent MAMA’S BOY). 

I think that in addition to the entertainment value, they go a long way towards highlighting what we should and shouldn’t do in pursuing and finding the right partner.

And one thing I’ve definitely surmised is that desperation, no matter if it’s a man or woman is really quite unattractive.

Take for instance the female on a previous season of the BACHELOR that put a pair of panties in the pocket of one of the guys on the show as a token to be remembered by.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I could come up with a lot more things that I’d like to leave for a lasting impression.

Or another unenlightened female that announced WAY too early that her “clock was ticking, and her eggs were ripe” and she was ready to get married. Now that’s a way to scare a guy if there ever was one! Hello?! Not to mention, the many chicks on the many episodes that have bad attitudes, bad manners, bad reasoning skills, and bad karma!

They should be reminded that “pretty is as pretty does.”

Here are a few other things that they need to be reminded of:

> In the words of Bonnie Raitt, you can’t make a man love you if he doesn’t.

> Class counts.

> A sense of humor helps you stand out from the rest, if it’s appropriate and timed well.

> There’s a difference between “sleazy” and “sexy”: tread carefully.

> The details of one’s life should be revealed like a good suspense novel, not a cheap tabloid.  Discretion is key, and so too is proper balance. For example, share too much too soon and you risk overwhelming him.  Share too little and you may appear to be closed off, or perceived as hiding something.  You decide.  But keep in mind that relationships need to grow in an appropriate amount of time, whereby as trust is established and earned, one’s heart is revealed.

> Remember that “cattiness” is never becoming.

So these are a few reflections from things on my mind in 2009…stay tuned, as the year unfolds, there’s sure to be much more!


> - The best approach to find the one. <

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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