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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

10 Ways to Know
You're with the Wrong Man!

Let’s face it; Cupid can be stupid. What else would explain the many hits and misses made in matters of the heart? Not to mention all of the “false starts”.

Here are a few examples:

- You meet a guy you have great chemistry with, but he’s a compulsive liar.

- A Romeo who has the potential to rock your world, forgets to tell you he’s married.

- You “click” with a guy you meet on the Internet, only to later discover he has weird personality traits.

 

Here’s the deal: Love, like many other pursuits in life, takes some trial and error, and some soul searching before we get it right.  And as a woman who has had her share of trial and error, I’ve got it down to an almost perfect science.

You won’t need the assistance of Dr. Phil to figure things out!

Read on and discover how to know you’re with the wrong man…

Some men are meant to be seasonal.  They help us overcome a difficult time, or to learn a valuable lesson, or to grow: that’s a given.

But in order to find true happiness and long-term compatibility, we must take matters in to our own hands.  That means knowing how to discern when we have the proper “fit” for our individual lifestyle, value system, sensibilities, and stage of life.

Though criteria may differ for different women, these are 10 UNIVERSAL signs that will tell you he’s not the right one.

1) HE’S NOT YOUR “GO-TO-GUY”
In sports, the go to guy is the one that the team can count on when their back is up against the wall. In real life every woman has one.  Ideally he should be your boyfriend or husband.  Sometimes he’s not.  Here’s his M.O.--- A go to guy is the man who usually serves as a woman’s best friend.  He’s the guy we go to if we’ve had a bad day at work, or we have questions about why men do the crazy things they do, or we need a good cry.  Sometimes he helps us with errands, or he can be a buddy we hang out with.  I like to call these relationships “platonic” with “potential”.  If you have to go to your go- to- guy on a frequent basis to have your emotional and spiritual needs met, trust me on this one…you are with the wrong man!

2) HE DOESN’T RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS
If he trivializes the things that are important to you, or does not honor the things that you request from him in order to make the relationship work, it’s a sure sign that you haven’t found the best man to be with.

3) YOU CAN’T TRUST HIM
Whether it’s with your heart, your car, or his ex-girlfriend.  Trust is a must!

4) THE RELATIONSHIP IS DRAINING YOU
Are you doing most of the giving, compromising, and putting in most of the emotional work?  If so, in the words of Erykah Badu, you better tell him to “call Tyrone.”

5) HE COMPARES YOU TO OTHER WOMEN.

6) YOU SHARE DIFFERENT “CORE” VALUES
Equal yoking is important.  If you believe in being faithful, but he likes to play the field, or you’re in to church and he’s an atheist, it will never go the distance.  And it shouldn’t!

7) HE’S SOMEBODY ELSE’S HUSBAND
This one is a “no-brainer”.

8) YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM ULTIMATUMS TO MOTIVATE HIM
If you are with the right guy, meeting your needs will be considered a pleasure and not a burden.  Making you happy should make him happy.  “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.”

9) YOU CAN’T COUNT ON HIM
If you are on pins and needles every time you ask him to do something, that’s a bad spot to be in.  Don’t stay there.

10) THERE ARE MORE CONS THAN PROS IN THE RELATIONSHIP
This is an unscientific method that I use, that typically works really well.  Take out a piece of paper and list his good points vs. his faults.  Which list is longer?  There’s your answer!

 


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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


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