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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > Is He Feelin' You?

by Jennifer Brown Banks

5 Ways to Know He's Really Feelin' You... For Real!

Some years ago, there was a popular book on the single’s scene called “He’s Not That Into You,” that caused quite a stir. I believe that it created a paradigm shift in dating, and increased women’s objectivity in determining a man’s sincere interest and romantic motives.

It’s an interesting read, and one that I’ve recommended before. Now, here’s my take on the topic--- with a slant...


Let’s face it.  Sometimes guys can come across as “cavemen” when it comes to communicating how they feel.  True?

We as women pose questions or problems that often render the typical head nod, the grunt, the grin, or the eyebrow raise in the way of responses. (What’s up with that anyway). :-)

So, in the interest of edification, I’ve found some context clues, that without words, say that a guy is really smitten.  Take note.

1) He lets you see his vulnerabilities
When a guy is feeling good about you and the relationship, he allows you to see him in his full spectrum---minus the macho persona.  This may include sharing some information about himself that is not quite flattering, or discussing his “demons,” or his trust issues, or a painful break-up.  It may even include a tear or two.  He shares his secrets, fears, and dreams because there’s an element of trust.  You’re like his best friend.

2) He remembers the things that are important to you
Whether it’s your favorite song, your mom’s first name, your touchy issues, your food allergies, or your signature perfume   He cares about the things that are near to your heart, and demonstrates it through his actions and awareness.

3) He puts your comfort before his
He doesn’t particularly care for shopping trips to the mall, or going to your cousin’s wedding, or church, but he’ll make the effort to make you happy.  He likes the room temperature cool, but will adjust the heat when you’re at his place. He’ll do stuff that may be inconvenient, or out of his comfort zone, but for him it’s worth it.  These are just a few telltale signs that suggest that he’s smitten.

4) He smiles when he sees you for no apparent reason
You’re the apple of his eye, and the mere sight of you conjures up all kinds of images in his mind— both good and naughty.  He’s got the hots for you!

5) He sees you on a regular basis
Do you watch movies together every Friday night?  Or eat take-out dinner at his place on Sundays? When you’re a part of his regular routine, it speaks to a certain degree of stability and continuity 

Without the presence of a crystal ball, here are a few other indicators that show that he digs you, and that the prospects look good for the future too.

» He cooks for you.  I must admit that there are few things that warm my heart more than when a man slaves over a stove for me.  And I might add that if he does, desserts on me.

» He doesn’t play mind games, or make power plays in the relationship.  In other words---he’s typically assessable by cell phone, he does what he commits to, and he’s honest in his actions.

» He accepts you in “as is” condition.  He doesn’t compare you to his ex, or to his mom, or to Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie.  He realizes that nobody’s perfect and accepts you with your quirks, shortcomings, and Beverly Hillbillies family as well.J

» He buys you gifts and cards for no special occasion.  Sometimes it may be something corny like a stuffed animal, or Hagen Daaz ice cream. Other times it may be a CD by your favorite group, that book you wanted to read from Oprah’s Book Club selection, or even jewelry.  Whatever the choice, it says that he’s glad you chose him!

With these key clues in place, you’ll no longer have to resort to “he loves me, he loves me not…” when figuring out how he feels.  Now, getting him to talk is a whole ‘nother issue!  Stay tuned.

Related Links:
> He's Just Not That Into You, But Why (Date & Relate)
> He's Just Not That into You (Dating with Disabilities)

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> - The best approach to find the one. <

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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