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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > Bitter Babes

by Jennifer Brown Banks

Why Some Women Become Bitter Babes

I am blessed to have more men friends than female buddies.

Though I believe in “sisterhood”, interacting with the fellas on a regular basis has many advantages and joys.  One of these advantages is being privy to conversations that men don’t typically engage in with members of the opposite sex. 

Guys know that they can trust me with their secrets, and as much as possible I’ll be an “objective” listener.


In one recent conversation, my sexy musician friend was complaining about the complexities of dating women in various age groups.  According to him, women in their 20s often lack maturity, while women 35 and over have too much emotional baggage!

It got me to thinking…

Men just don’t get it. 

Somehow they don’t quite comprehend that like many things in life, relationships and “emotional baggage” often has to do with cause and effect.

To put it simply, for every woman out there who’s bitter, there are a bunch of no good men that contributed to her bad attitude.

Here’s the deal.

Contrary to popular opinion, bitterness is not the byproduct of defective genes, or DNA make-up.   All women do not possess this trait.  In fact, to find a chick who is bitter by her own devices, and with no contributing factors, is as likely as finding an Anorexic Black woman.

It’s possible, but not very likely! Not that I’m condoning chicks with bad attitudes, and I’m definitely not one of them!   But, as a writer I sometimes feel obligated to speak for those who otherwise would not have a voice.


One friend of mine dated a guy for three years.  By all accounts, they were happy. She saw him on a regular basis.  He treated her royally; even ran her bath water for her after a long, hard day’s work and cooked for her too. 

She wanted for nothing.  Then one day, out of the blue, he just stopped calling.  No explanations, no goodbye, no clue as to what went wrong. 

He was just M.I. A…

She was madly in love with this man.  So much so, that it took her three years to date again.  A fellow columnist refers to this as “The Vapor Man”!  Most women have encountered him.

Another friend of mine got hooked up with a guy who lied about his marital status and took her through the emotional ringer.

Remember the saga with famous author Terri McMillan?

Her sexy, young Jamaican husband later revealed he was on the “down- low”. And he wanted to “come-out” publicly.  He even tried to sue her! Add to this circus atmosphere the guys who are deadbeat dads, and the ones who play games with women’s hearts, and other dastardly deeds.

Now guess what you have?  Bitter women!


  1. Stop playing games. “Tricks are for kids!”

  2. Observe the Golden Rule…Do unto others

  3. Grow up before you show up!  If you’re not sure who you are and what you seek, take some time to find out.

  4. Be honest.  Lies cause unnecessary pain and breach trust.

  5. Honor your word.

  6. Honor her feelings. It costs so little.

  7. Don’t try to date her best friend or her sister. It’s just tacky!

  8. Have emotional integrity.  Don’t say what you don’t mean.

  9. Please don’t be cheap!

  10.  Learn the art of compromise.

  11.  Weather the hard times together.

  12.  Overcome the “Grass is always greener on the other side.” Have realistic expectations.

I hope that these twelve tips help to create more happy moments and more enlightenment in your love life!


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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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