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Online Dating Experience
Five Years and Not Even a Date

38 year old male from Virginia


Hi! I'd like to tell the truth about my experience with Internet dating sites. I'm a reasonably nice looking, clean cut, white male with a nice photograph who has run ads on 11 different sites (primarily Match, which I started with and am still on). I’ve been on as many as four sites at one time and I've spent 2 - 9 hours per day for the last five years running searches, changing my ads and sending emails. It has been a terrible experience that has disrupted my work and personal life... but has never led to just one date.

On different occasions I've printed out my ad from Match and for an impartial viewpoint have had neighbors, relatives, business persons, pastors and others read my Match ad and without exception they all said my ad was well written and sounded like as fine a man as any woman could find.

I've tried it ALL while running my Match ad in different cities throughout VA, NC, MD, TN and the DC area (especially since I'm willing to relocate) hoping a nice lady would notice and write. I've tried emails: Let's be pen-pals, instant message, meet at a restaurant for pleasant conversation, you can email me if you get a lonely spell, put me in touch with a lady who lives locally and of course my true hope: I'm hoping for a committed relationship building a happy future together... and I've received extremely few responses from my ad or emails.

Just ONE of MANY things I tried was offering a reward to women (since they weren't going to write) if they knew of a nice lady and would put her in touch with me... $1,000 then $3,000 then $5,000 and despite complaints about so many women being 'greedy' no woman on any site has considered it and if they email they usually never even mention that I offered the reward in my ad or email. One woman did write:

"It sounds like you're prostituting yourself"

Hmmm... with that idea in mind I finally had in my ad:

"Since genuinely nice girls seem so hard to find, if you'll please be kind enough to put me in touch with one I'd be happy to donate $3,000 in your honor, or anonymously if you wish, to a good Christian cause to feed hungry children."

It seems they don't want to be helpful to a fine man, a fine lady or to hungry children either.

As months turned into years I began to wonder if women's ads were real. Are they? I tried in my Match ad:

"I'd like to know if you're 'real' so as a gesture of good faith please be willing to speak on my answering machine... ID Block is OK... I'd do it for you!"

In emails I gave my phone number along with that idea and all I got was women who would swear on 20 stacks of Bibles they were a single woman but they would NOT simply speak on my answering machine. I don't think that's too much to ask for but it has been.

I receive perhaps four emails per year; 10 at the most per year in response to my Match ad. Even less on other sites. From emails I've sent that I've tried my best to be as polite, friendly and complimentary as possible I receive perhaps 1 in 20 to 50 emails sent. Believe me... the emails I do receive are bizarre and bewildering, or a series of lies and games, and all too often I've received the most sarcastic, hateful vicious emails you can imagine. I now VERY RARELY email or 'wink' at women for fear of verbal assaults... so I put in my Match ad:


Are women's dating site ads even real? One mystery is so many women's ads say they have so many friends, family, go so many places doing so many things... so how do millions of these women never meet a man and end up on a dating site? I've asked women in some of my emails:

"...have you received many responses from your ad?"

When I receive a reply they've written:

"I get about 3 or 5 a day" and "I had 177 then decided to become a member" and "I've been on about a month and I've had about 300 emails from men"

YET.. The SAME women's ads by the thousands are still on before I joined five years ago and they're 'Active within 24 hours' or even 'Online Now!' Doing what? I wonder.

Attention men: They've had years to read yoru emails and ads regardless of how many they've been swamped with! It seems they don't like my or ANY man's ads or emails... that's my one consolation for five years lost.

Another consolation is: Through the years I've learned in my own neighborhood of: two married women posing as single... two men posing as women... and 1 woman posing as a man on Internet Dating Sites... along with the following possibilities of who runs women's ads on dating sites:

1. Married women

2. Men

3. Children running ads as a prank (That photo is of 'Aunt Jane' out of the family photo album!)

4. Call Girls! (I've heard the Internet has been the best thing to ever happen to prostitution)

5. Women getting 'revenge' on their boyfriend

6. Men-hating women to gain access to men to send hate mail

7. Sexual 'predators' both men and women posing as women

8. Other 'Services' - Russian women etc.

9. The Dating Site running false women's ads

10. Pornographic 'links'

11. The mentally disturbed

12. Some 'Group' that has the intention of disrupting American men's lives and causing the loss of millions of productive man-hours every day in America.

Who really knows for certain?

This I do know: Whoever is 'really' running women's ads is doing a great disservice to the reputation of American women. Read 100 women's ads. Don't they all sound the same as though American women are all mindless sleep-arounds who "Cuddle" from one "Special Someone" and "Committed" "Lasting" relationship to another... and they've never made it work with a man and they're so "Happy" and "Laughing" about it all and saddest of all... most say they have children and they seem so willing to expose their children to the wrong kind of men... and being extreme about a man's height, location, income, education, hobbies etc. makes women sound like they've never developed a mature adult thinking mind, not serious about what's important and really matters in a relationship and obviously could never make it work with ANY man. (They never have so far... and by their own account they've had many, many chances!)

That's not building a good reputation in men's minds about women!

Men: Listen Up! Don't assume all (or even most) of women's ads on dating sites are even real.

Yes... I still have my ad on Match and probably will forever because I meet no one through work and don't know anyone who knows of a nice girl to recommend. dating sites can be very stressful and discouraging but it's very important to me to have a nice lady in my life to love, care about and share a happy future together. God help me... I don't think dating sites will.

A quick note to the man who wrote on here about 'Regardless of what women say they choose the jerk anyway' How true! Sometimes (often) coworkers will be talking about the latest woman at work or on the news who's been used, abused, deceived, divorced or taken a beating (or worse) and I'll say: "And I can't get a date." It happened so often I finally put in my Match ad:

"PS For being a respectful man with wholesome values who would treat a woman well... women keep accusing me of being a 'Christian Gentleman'... I think that's as fine a compliment as a man can receive but unfortunately that keeps all women away. What if God saw all the divorces and problems and sent a man with the qualities to be a great boyfriend or loving husband thinking that's what women want? Wouldn't He be in for a big surprise!"

I could write SO MUCH more but I sincerely hope this message has been helpful in some way to someone... and yes... I have told the truth. Thank you very much for your time.

PS Women and men talk about actually sleeping/having sex with people?!? Hmmm... I'm wondering if I'll ever see the day when I have a date with a real girl... and if it would ever lead to the hand holding stage... could my heart handle such an experience? Maybe I'll never know! Thanks again.

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