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Online Dating Experience 25
Old Flame Spreads Fast

46 year old female from New York

This relates to someone I had known for YEARS.

We dated briefly in the 70s. He left to go to another school and I never heard from him again until April 2002, when he emailed me "out of the blue." Seems he got my email address from

He was unemployed since October 2001 and was then online with me IM'ing every day. We caught up and he very quickly initiated an emotional affair with me. He found out that I am disabled and divorced and have two small children. He seemed very supportive and used the old friendship to move very fast with the new one.

I wanted to have lunch or coffee with him and catch up. He was moving way too fast. He was pushing to meet me at a hotel right away but I told him no, not until we had met a few times. I also told him I was not comfortable getting involved with someone who was married with two children himself. After telling him this he would distance himself from me for a few weeks and then come back.

Because of my prior relationship with this man, I defended him and made excuses. I told him this and he did nothing other than distance himself for weeks and when he came back it was as if the emotional stuff NEVER happened. (if you tell your online friend something serious and they run - its a red flag!)

I remembered him as a very sweet person in college. He was the great love of my life (thank god I never told him that). We continued talking for many months as friends.

In January 2004, I introduced him to an online female friend of mine in California who is very involved with similar things as him. She helped place an article he wrote in a couple more places. Three weeks ago I learned that shortly after I introduced them - he initiated an online affair with her. He has a pattern of "LOVE BOMBING" his new contacts until he no longer needs them. Then he degrades & devalues them and eventually either they ditch him or he disappears.

Then I got an email from a friend and they showed me websites where he is registered at every "sex partners wanted for discreet relationship" site on the net under his same old usual nick and makes NO EFFORT to hide that he is married, has kids or even EXACTLY WHERE HE LIVES!!! This freaked me out because his wife works at home - any psycho could go there...

He's been snooping around lately (9 months later) emailing my friends and going to websites I frequent - no direct contact though.

Please check sites with databases like (don't be put off by the name - actually a nice site) and to see if that guy/girl you met online is the real deal. Even if you know them, check them out thoroughly.

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