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Online Dating Experience 07
Too Many Dates - Perfection Does Not Guarantee Success

36 year old male from California

Hi... I'm very sorry to hear about the bottom-of-the-barrel men that your readers seem to be encountering! However, even though it sounds like I am the kind of guy everyone is looking for, my luck with online dating has been tepid at best.

I look like my picture and I have more than one posted. I'm tall, I have no horrible disfigurements and I am, at the worst, average looking. My profile has no typos and I know how to spell!

On my first dates I am a perfect gentleman. I drive to her area. I hold open doors, I listen to what she has to say and I pay. I try to be a little more creative than a coffee date, since those end up seeming more like interviews than dates. At the very least I opt for coffee and window shopping!

I don't bring up exes, I don't talk about everyone else that we may have dated and I generally have an outgoing, cheerful personality. Women love a guy that can make them laugh and I know I have my bases covered in that department.

At the end of the date, depending on how it goes, I'll always give a hug and at the very most (if the chemistry is there) a simple but meaningful kiss.

I'm not looking for one night stands or to serial date... I want to make a connection.

Yet, despite all this, after a year of online dating I have yet to find her.

I get maybe a 10% response rate to the emails I send out. Of the women I actually meet, only a small number of them seem to have their heart in it and I often feel like I'm simply #3 of 5 this week.

Sure, I can't expect to be everyone's cup of tea, but I wonder if the sheer number of choices presented to women online have a negative effect on their ability to find Mr. Right.

If a woman has even a moderately attractive picture she will be inundated with email. Even women with NO picture get their fair share! By and large, the traditional male/ female roll continues online, with men doing the asking and women doing the picking.

What this means is women could be presented with dozens, even hundreds of men to choose from! She could date a new guy every night of the week if she was so inclined.

What does this mean for the guy that actually gets a date with her?

No matter how great the date may be, the alternatives will always be on her mind. If she doesn't think you're 100% perfect, she knows there are more where you came from. Even if she has a wonderful time, chances are within a few hours of the date being over, she's back online and reading the latest email from her potential suiters. And hey, guess what? This guy is 8% cuter than the one I met tonight! So she starts emailing him, makes a date and before long you are a fuzzy memory.


In the old days, if a girl met a decent guy that she found even a little attractive while she was out in the 'real world', they would go out and if the date was reasonable they'd go out again... and this would keep happening until she decided he was right for her or not.

It was very unlikely that she had a whole bunch of OTHER dates while she was evaluating you... and certainly wasn't meeting potential new dates at the rate of 5 or 6 week (or more).

Every guy worthy of a fair shot got it. The relationship had a chance to play itself out.

Given the number of choices a woman has with online dating, she seems less inclined to give a guy even a second date unless he seems to be absolutely perfect. Good guys slip through the cracks and eventually the woman might even get fed up at going on so many dates and still not meeting 'the one.'

Maybe it's not the guys, but the process!

It's not surprising that some of the best experiences I've had have been with women who DIDN'T post a picture. They get far fewer emails and therefore have a much more relaxed time with the whole experience. They know that the guys writing aren't just interested in looks and it's probably a safe bet that none of the guys who do contact them are just looking to get laid.

So, ladies, do yourself a favor - plan ONE date at a time. Try not to think about all the other guys you're eager to meet - remember, it only takes ONE great guy to make you happy... and if it doesn't work out, well, those other guys and their emails will still be waiting for you.

And you might want to try saving that picture for the guy who cares enough about what's inside to write you sight unseen. Sure, he may just be desperate, but he could also be the sweet, caring and mature guy you're looking for!

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