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Online Dating Experience 03
From Marriage to Online Dating

25 year old female from California

Editor's Note
This is the first of four consecutive online dating experiences shared by "Polly". Her experiences are numbers 3, 4, 5, and 6 in the Online Dating Experiences section.

Finding myself single after a whirlwind high school romance/marriage was, to say the least, scary. I had never been in an adult dating setting and was unaware as to what was expected or what was gauche or unacceptable. When my work schedule limited the amount of time I spent going out and meeting people, I turned to Internet dating. Holding my breath and hoping for some semblance of a social life, I posted an ad on an online dating service.

Not long (a day) after, I was inundated with requests. Requests for my time, phone number, more pictures, and, a complete surprise, sexual encounters. Having never actually "done" the bar scene, or searched actively for companionship, I was rather confused. My ad said nothing about wanting anything but getting to know people and make new friends. I believe it stated I enjoyed "having fun" and enjoyed "learning things others enjoy".

After my initial confusion, I consulted an old friend and veteran at both online dating and the bar scene. She informed me that on the Internet, "fun" was a little code for "sex" and "things others enjoy" meant a variety of sexual acts I had never even considered. Needless to say, I pulled my ad within a week.

During that initial week, however, my messenger function never stopped chiming and letting me know that yet another person wanted me to discuss my desire to "have fun". I eventually had to disable the function.

Somehow I could not overcome the idea that I may be missing out on those people on the Net who were not perverts and were actually very nice people. My rationale was, "I’m on the Net and I’m not insane, there must be others". It has become my quest to seek those others out.

Since that time, I have amended my ad to exclude those choice phrases, I have taken my picture off of my profile (I got sick of those left-handed compliments about my cleavage). I enabled my messenger and just got very adept at blocking those who would send pornography, profanity and web-cam shots of who knows what.

Like the friend I mentioned earlier, I became an old hat at this online dating thing, and (mostly out of curiosity), I agreed to meet a few people in person.

My first "date" was an interesting man who looked nothing like his picture. (I don’t believe for a second that pictures are the mark of a good person, nor do I even believe that looks are important. I believe that if someone sends me a picture and it is not them, that is not all they are lying about). I promised myself that I would see this date to it's end regardless. We went to dinner, where he left the table as the check came and waited outside. I paid and ended the date immediately.

My second date was with a young man who was so bitter about his ex-girlfriend, he spoke of nothing else. I prayed for the movie we had agreed to see to start, then prayed for it to never end. Eventually it did end with him crying on my shoulder about how the movie reminded him of her.

Even after those two, I tried again. Number three was a very nice gentleman who agreed to meet at a local restaurant to "get to know each other", then we would decide from there. (One thing I learned, when you meet someone, don't plan to go to dinner and a movie, choose drinks. If there is no chemistry or if the person is not what they purport to be, you are obligated to no more than drinks). We met and I was pleasantly surprised to find that we had quite a lot in common. We laughed and talked for 3 hours at least. I was pleased when he asked me to go out on another date.

That second date, he was sullen and upset and only talked about the possibility of moving in with me because I do not have room-mates and he was tired of his. Needless to say, that date/relationship ended quickly.

Now we come to the last of my encounters.

Recently, I was asked to go out for drinks with a nice man. I met him for drinks and we hit it off. He had brought me roses and was courteous and chivalrous. He opened doors and asked if I needed anything. He seemed too good to be true. We agreed to meet again.

Our second date was nothing like the first. He seemed to grow hands everywhere and wanted to use them all over me. I fought off advance after advance, initially thinking it was really quite flattering. Finally after becoming exhausted, I asked what the deal was and why the change. He stated that there was a reason most men were on the Net for dates. The reason was very clear; it is a fast easy way to encounter many women at one time and try to sleep with them. Angry at my failure to locate even one soul who wanted what I do, I left him in the parking lot.

Now to many of you, I’m sure I sound very bitchy. I have even been told that my standards are too high and what did I expect, "it’s the Internet". What I expect is that the virtual anonymity of the Internet not give a voice to those too uncouth to survive in society, and not excuse those too brash and boorish to have normal, appropriate conversation and interaction. As far as having my standards set too high, why shouldn’t they be? I am looking for someone to share my time, and my time is valuable. If one is looking for companionship, why lower their standards for the Net, but have higher ones for a more conventional dating scene? I require no more from Cyber Suitors than I do from conventionally met dates.

I hope for everyone's sake that there are more people on the Net who are really trying to find companionship and not just random acts of salacious behavior. It is in this hope that I still search, once a week to see if the ads are insightful and honest, and if there are people who will not try to deceive those who read past their Oh-So-Catchy ad titles.

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