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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Date & Relate > Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

Date & Relate
by Sara Hodon

Always the Bridesmaid,
Never the Bride... Yet

This winter, I’ll be a bridesmaid for the fourth time.

Don’t get me wrong—I love weddings.  I’m honored when I’m asked to play such an important role in my friends’ or family’s special day.  And if I’m not in the wedding, all the better—I still get to dress up, have some great food, dance and have a few drinks, and still share in the big day without the added stress!

And for the fourth time, there will be a tiny little voice inside of my head asking painfully, “When is it my turn?”

I’m not kidding when I say that I love weddings.  Most recently, I’ve developed this habit of watching shows about weddings.   You know the ones.  Say Yes to the Dress.  Amazing Wedding CakesRich Bride, Poor Bride.  My Fair Wedding.  And my personal favorite—Platinum Weddings.    (Sorry, but I can only stand Bridezillas in small doses—honestly, who marries these girls?)   I watch all of them.  Come to think of it, I spend my Sunday afternoons happily engrossed in these shows.   No doubt, I’m subconsciously taking mental notes of what I like or don’t like, mentally jotting down the ideas I may want to use for myself someday. 

Muriel’s Wedding is one of my favorite movies, simply because I can relate to Toni Collette’s character so well.  She thought that getting married would solve all of her problems—that it would mean that she was worthwhile because someone loved her.  I used to feel that way, but now as an adult I’m just excited at the idea of having someone to share the boring, mundane details of life with.  Being married definitely won’t solve all of my problems, but it certainly makes them easier to handle when you know there’s someone at home supporting you. 

I was once told that I’m “obsessed” with getting married.  Hmmm.  I guess it depends on what you mean by “obsessed”. 

Let’s be honest.  The majority of people on the dating scene are serious about meeting the person they’ll decide to spend the rest of their lives with.   Sure, there are a few confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes out there, and more than a fair share of players.  But for the most part, I think most folks on the dating sites and in the bars want to meet their future husband or wife.  How many folks have simply said yes when proposed to, even if they knew they were totally wrong for each other, just so they can have a spouse?  Who doesn’t imagine what their own wedding day will be like, particularly the ladies?

In my own defense, I haven’t done any of the things that I just mentioned besides picture elements of my own wedding.    Sure, I freely admit to my past as a serial online dater, but I did meet someone wonderful and worthwhile, but that’s just proof that persistence pays off in the online dating world! 

Am I obsessed?  There isn’t, nor has there ever been, a ring on my finger.  I’ve never even come close.  I haven’t gotten past the rhetorical “Could you imagine what it would be like if we got married?” phase, knowing full well that it was far, far, far into the future, if it happened at all. 

Do I want to get married?  Sure.  I’d be lying if I said I don’t.  I never had much luck with the dating scene.  It’s always been tough for me to meet people, so discovering online dating sites was a lifesaver!  Part of me feels like Charlotte from Sex in the City—“I’ve been dating since I was fifteen!  I’m exhausted!  Where is he?”  I admit that the same thought took up way too much of my time for quite awhile.  Every wedding I would attend, I would think, Wow, that’s never going to be me.   I’d accepted that it was absolutely not something that I would ever get to experience.  I wasn’t jealous or envious or any of that.  It would never be me up there in the white dress.  Period.   I’ve listened to countless friends and family talk excitedly about their plans each step of the way—reserving the reception location, picking out dresses and tuxes, choosing colors, working out travel arrangements, posting wedding websites, sending out invitations, blah blah blah—and it just wash over me.  It’s not that I’m not excited for them.  I’ve just never been a part of something that huge and life-changing.  It’s such a huge step, I can’t even fathom it. 

I watch these wedding shows for a lot of different reasons.  Sure, I make little mental notes that I file away for future reference.  But mostly I watch because it does my heart good to see two people so much in love and so excited about their future together.  So what I really enjoy about weddings is what they represent—the first step in a lifetime of being with another person.  And isn’t that what most people are looking for?  I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed with weddings or consumed with the thought of getting married.  I sure hope it happens, but I don’t let the thought of “That’ll never be me!” overtake me anymore.  But that doesn’t mean that I won’t step on the other single girls if it means getting a clean shot at catching that bouquet to increase my odds!


Date & Relate is published every Thursday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Sara Hodon. She can be reached at

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