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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Savvy Singles > Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

Are You a Nice Guy that No One Will Date?

Are you everyone’s friend and no one’s lover?  Do women hang out with you but then date someone else?  Are the guys they date jerks?  Why would a woman choose a jerk instead of you?

It isn’t that women want a “jerk.”  It is that women are drawn to the qualities that a bad boy has.  You can develop those same qualities and not have to become someone you don’t like in the process. So…what exactly is it that those bad boys have?  CONFIDENCE.

Confidence makes you attractive and you don’t have to be an insensitive clod to have it.  Here are some of the characteristics that all nice people can achieve.  If you are a “nice guy,” these tips will make you appealing to women— without compromising your values.



How a Nice Guy Can Get Confident:

Success comes from being accomplished at what you do.  Women LOVE successful guys.  You have special talents and skills that are unique to you.  This is the MAIN way you develop confidence around women…being successful at what you do.  If you don’t know what your talents are, ask yourself the following questions: What are you good at?  What do people come to you for?  What is it that you do that comes easily to you but other people might find hard?  What did you love doing as a child but have forgotten how to do as an adult?  Your skills, talents, and natural inclinations lead you to finding your special niche.  Find a mentor, ask how he became successful at what he does, and then get busy planning your life.  When you do, you attract people who want to know you.

This is the quality that gets both men and women confused.  It is true that women are attracted to rich men, but more than that, they are attracted to men who have good values, a sense of humor, and a great career and future.  Those characteristics, combined with confidence, make you scintillating.  Your finances may be meager and you may live on a tight budget, but if you manage your resources well, you can still have a great life with a great woman.  Women love mystery, surprise, and imagination. This doesn’t take money.  Low-cost, no-cost dates can be invented that combine these elements, and with confidence, you can pull it off.

Do you have a funny bone?  If you have the above qualities, and you can laugh at most situations, you will be irresistible.  If you laugh very little during the day, find some movies or TV shows that you think are hilarious.  Turn off the depressing news and turn on something that makes you feel good.  Little kids who say funny things can make you laugh out loud, and so can a bunch of kittens, monkeys in the zoo, or a funny book like Jancee’s Dunn’s, So Enough About Me.

4. JOB
Women want a man with a great career.  If you don’t know what to do with your life, get yourself a coach or career counselor, or rethink how you can use what you already know to a better advantage.  Many people have plenty of knowledge, skills, or experience, but have become disenchanted with their field because they are in unsatisfying jobs.  It is possible to find a new application with your old skills and turn a bleak existence into a fabulous future. 

Handsome is a quality, not necessarily physical features.  If you aren’t attracting women, get a makeover.  Women like clean nails and hair.  Most of them prefer men who wear slacks, sweaters, or suits rather than jeans and a Tee.  And get a good pair of shoes.  Women spend a lot of time shopping for shoes, and it is one of the first things they notice on a man.  Further, get yourself to the gym or to an exercise program at least five days a week.  And last of all, take a look at your SMILE.  Do you need to whiten your teeth or do you need cosmetic dentistry?  Ask a friend if your smile needs improvement.  Sometimes we can’t see ourselves.

Is your desk a mountain of paper?  Does your car look like a trash can?  Is your living environment a pigsty?  If you met someone, could you invite her over without feeling embarrassed?  Before you find someone to date, you need to get ready for her by making your spaces clean, organized, and welcoming. 

In a world of flakes, women want a guy with a backbone.  If you are a perpetual nice guy, you may be afflicted with being a “pleaser.”  Pleasers are afraid to say what they want because they don’t want to risk having people be mad at them.  However, if you don’t speak up, you’ll feel resentment for the things you agree to that you didn’t really want to do.  When you are trying to please everyone, you can’t attract that special someone.  Backbone also means walking away from someone if the feelings are not mutual.  Being a stand up guy makes you very attractive.

Confidence is like anything else you want to have—you have to work for it.  No one can give it to you.  Focus on your strengths.  Get to the gym, organize your wardrobe, and clean your house. Try some of the above and shift your attitude that you can’t have what you want.  Become the nice guy that everyone wants to date.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at, visit her website a or, or call 864-294-9494.

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