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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Savvy Singles > Singles Spells Success

Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

How Singles Spell Success

Successful people everywhere share the same qualities.  However, there is one quality that stands out more than others and is essential to success.  Singles who want to date and meet someone special can learn from this characteristic. 

Once upon a lonely decade, in Public School Education, I worked with teachers.  As a consultant to school systems, I went from school to school to discover what would help each teaching staff do a better job.  What I discovered is the same rule that applies to all situations in life.  When a person is trained for their job, the only difference between those who are successful and those who are not is this: ATTITUDE.


 What I noticed was that attitude started with how the individual saw the world.  They took actions that reflected their perspective.  Those actions led to the results they got, and those results reaffirmed their attitude about life.  It was a triangular continuous cycle.  For example, if teachers saw all kids as discipline problems, the teachers acted in a way that showed they expected bad behavior.  The teacher was defensive or angry or suspicious.  When people have this attitude, they are not going to be respected or liked by their students.  The results are, the students act out.  This reaffirms the teacher’s original attitude: all kids are discipline problems. 

What I discovered was that if I could shift the attitude, then the people I worked with could make their own decisions about what their goals were and how they wanted to achieve them.  If I could bring a new perception to the situation, then the actions taken might change, which would affect results. 

If you want to be happy as a single, take a look at how to spell SUCCESS. 

The Seven Rules for S U C C E S S

1. S is for Stop
Stop focusing on your limitations and look at everything you can be proud of.  Stop obsessing on what you think are your bad qualities and pay attention to your good ones.  How does anything grow?  Through attention.  Put your attention on your future, your preparation for what you want to do, and all the opportunities that are open to you.

2. U is for Usage
Success happens when you use your talents; use your skills; use everything about yourself to your advantageIf you don’t, you may find yourself being used.  You were born with certain characteristics that come easy to you.  They may come so easy you don’t even notice them.  What do your friends come to you for?  What do they ask you to do for them?  Somewhere in answering those questions you may find some of your talents that you could turn into a career to bring you more satisfaction.

3. C is for Communication
Do you know how to talk?  Over and over I see people who do not COMMUNICATE and tell others what they want and need.  If you want to meet someone, tell people.  If you are dating someone you like, tell that person how you feel.  If people are treating you unkindly—tell them!  Successful relationships are nurtured by straightforward talk.  Fear often keeps us from saying what we think.  Get over it and Talk!

4. C is for Care
Do you care?  (Your answer is, “Of course I do!”)  Then remember this: care starts with you.  Being a successful single begins with taking care of yourself. Take a look at your health, finances, career, living environment, network of support, spiritual life, and values.  Nobody ever gets them all perfect but if you are feeling low, ask yourself which one of these aspects needs shoring up.  Then take one step towards making one of them better.

5. E is for Enthusiasm
Do you have the “go get ‘em!” spirit?  Enthusiasm is a big part of attitude.  Enthusiasm is infectious.  It’s also very sexy.  How do you find it if you don’t have it?  Pay attention to what gives you energy.  Follow that beam of light.  For instance, if you have always loved to scuba and love to talk to others about scuba diving; if scuba diving makes you feel better than anything else in the world; if you cannot sleep the night before going diving, follow that energy source.  Look for more ways to incorporate that interest into your life.  Do you need to work on a boat?  Own a scuba shop?  Live near the water?  Invent a new snorkel, mask, or other equipment?  Guaranteed, if you are doing what you love, you will be enthusiastic.  If you are enthusiastic, you will attract who you want.

6. S is for Save yourself
Do you run around wasting time on people and things that will never be there for you when you need them?  Do not squander your time, love, or energy on those who cannot return it to you.  Save yourself the heartache of caring for someone who cannot care about you.  No one is going to come along and save you and give you a life.  That is for you to do.  Save yourself.

7. S is for Savor
Do you deserve to give yourself a party?  How many times have you worked hard and not given yourself a break or a pat on the back?  You don’t necessarily have to “win” to deserve an acknowledgment when you tried your best.

Success is having the courage to look at new ways to step out of an old pattern that is no longer working, and then take a new action.  This brings a change in attitude.  A positive attitude equals success.  Just remember to spell success every day.  You deserve it.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at, visit her website a or, or call 864-294-9494.

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