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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Savvy Singles > The Date Wait

Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

Are You Waiting to Meet Someone?

"Live every day as if it's your last because one of these days you're bound to be right." Breaker Morant

If you are single and going out (looking but not looking), do you feel like you have been waiting to meet someone forever? Do you feel you can't stand to go to one more party or bar or banquet because you’re tired of the results? If you answered yes to those questions, perhaps it’s time to take another approach. Maybe you can stop waiting and start doing something for you.

Consider going places and being totally PRESENT. Maybe you could show up somewhere and actually BE there. What would that look like?

 

If you lived every day as if it were your last, you might not feel bored or restless or that meeting other people was a waste of time. You wouldn’t be looking over your shoulder, scanning for new opportunities, barely tolerating the situation you were in. You could pay attention to the opportunities right in front of you but you are unable to see. Or, if you were completely present, you might notice that you don’t like the company you keep and you could decide not to go there again.

Don’t wait any longer. Think about these ideas:

» Look for the gold.
Everyone has something to offer. What can you learn from this new person you are talking to? Knock yourself out when you go places. Don't hang back, or act shy, or not participate. After all—this could be your last day. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, get into it. Don't keep waiting for something better to come along. This may be it. Make the most of this moment.

» Compliment people.
Look for what is good in people. Let them know what you see. Everyone needs and wants to be seen for who they are and the contribution they make. If you are at a party, thank the cook and the servers, and embrace the hostess or the person who invited you.

» Avoid the poison.
Don't linger, listening to trivia that pretends to be important (who has what material goods), toxic people (gossipers), and negative dump sites (people who complain). You don’t have time for draining experiences. Nor do you need to criticize others for the consciousness they are locked into. Just remove yourself gracefully and move on to another conversation. Look for the positive people. If you can’t find anyone friendly, talk to the guy in the purple hat. He obviously has something to say.

» Look your best.
You’re not trying to be better than anyone else, you just want to feel good about your presentation. If you don’t know how to do this, go to a clothing store and ask for help. Guys—don’t wear funky shoes or your work shoes when you go out. Girls notice shoes. They spend a lot of time shopping for them. Get some shoe advice. And be sure to compliment women on how they look because they probably spent time and money on finding just the right outfit and accessories to wear. It’s always important to remember to say something nice to people on what you notice about them. Giving compliments makes you feel as good as the person receiving them.

» Talk about what you love to do.
Think about what you love to do and tell people about it. When you talk about your fun activities, your face reveals your feelings and you become irresistibly attractive. And people cannot dislike someone who makes them laugh. Did you argue a case in court while dragging a two-foot piece of toilet paper across the floor that was stuck to your shoe? Were you giving a speech at the podium when you noticed your panty hose slipping down around your ankles? Did you fall into the pool fully clothed on your way to check into a hotel and had to walk through the lobby soaking wet? These are actual stories people shared with me that made them terribly human. It’s great to tell a funny story about yourself, as long as you don’t make fun of others.

» Have fun.
Laugh, talk, dance, sing, and do your best to be in the moment. The whole point of going out is to connect with others and enjoy yourself while you’re at it. Don’t let other people ruin your day by the pitiful comments they make. Their limited opinion is no more important than a gnat flying by. Let it go and redirect your focus. Find those people and activities that give you a feeling of enthusiasm. Pay attention to the times when you go out and come home feeling tired versus those times you come back full of energy. You want to continue doing the things that gave you that rush of good feeling.

If you want to meet someone, you don’t have time to wait for someone to find you. This is your job, your responsibility, and your great opportunity. You have to get out of the house and say hello to people. You have to do this over and over and over.

While you are out there, you might as well have a good time. And if you are having a good time—you will never be wasting your time. You also may not remain single for very long.



Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at tonja@tonjaweimer.com, visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.


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