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Furthermore, when singles begin to date, the voice gets louder and more strident. (“This woman must not be very good if she’s interested in you.”) You may try to begin a new life, face your fears, or go after what you said you always wanted, but the Boogie Monster charges in. His job is to first berate what you are trying to accomplish, and second, to lure you back to the comfort zone of the familiar. As soon as your Boogie Monster catches a whiff of life transforming, it shows up with every REASONABLE argument invented as to why finding someone to love is a stupid idea. The Boogie Monster shouts, “Are you CRAZY? Do you really think you will fall in love—and be loved?” The intent of your inner Boogie Monster is not malicious. It is to preserve where you are and what you have. It strives to keep the status quo. The Boogie Monster hates change and demands that life stay exactly the same. A similar voice has kept you from doing silly or dangerous things in the past. It’s just that when you truly want to make a change to your life, the Boogie Monster shows up uninvited—to knock you down and hold you back. The inner Boogie Monster will pull out all the stops because meeting a life partner is a SIGNIFICANT change. If you want to quiet your Boogie Monster, there are ways to do it. You can never totally get rid of this voice because it is there to protect you. You have to be gentle but persistently aware. Try the following:
When we do the above, the power of the Boogie Monster is flattened. It can’t stand up to too much scrutiny. Finally, stay focused on what you want. You have traits you were born with. These traits are a force within you, moving you forward, compelling you to live out your deepest values. That longing to be the person you have always wanted to be, finding the person you have always wanted to be with, can be stronger than the fear of change. As long as you are living life in alignment with your purpose and values, you can override the voice of the mean critic that nags and complains. The inner Boogie Monster shall be reduced to a mere whisper. Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at tonja@tonjaweimer.com, visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.
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