1)
You can’t be rejected.
Most singles do NOT want
to reach out to people because they fear rejection.
If you could shift that notion of rejection, to being
able to see yourself as a brave risk taker, the whole
concept of “friendly” would take on another
dimension.
Before
you go out, try this: visualize how relaxed and happy
you are going to be at the event you are about to
attend. When you approach someone to talk, if they
are not engaging, smile, say, “Nice meeting you,” and
drift away. Don’t make a big deal of it—in
your mind or in your behavior. There are other people
for you to meet and you don’t want to focus your
energy on what didn’t just happen, but rather,
on what may soon happen. Armed with this attitude, every
night is a wonderful night.
2)
Brand yourself.
Every good marketing person knows that
you must have a “brand” to
be remembered. Before you go out, think hard about
what makes you stand out from everyone else? This
identification is important whether you are meeting
people for the first time or you are dating on the
Internet. I have coached countless people who could
not initially grasp this concept. When asked to identify
themselves, each one would use broad terms, not understanding
that there was nothing distinctive about what they
were saying.
Example:
Imagine you are at a convention and you meet someone
and say, “My
name is John Smith, I’m from Ohio, and I’m
an engineer.” If you are at a function where there
are more than a handful of people, unless you are incredibly
good-looking, or famously rich, or have a high squeaky
voice, you will probably not be remembered. However,
if you said something like, “I’m John Smith,
I’m an engineer from Ohio, and I know I sound terribly
ordinary, but in order to impress you, I will mention
that I won the spelling bee and then fell off of the
stage in my 5th grade class.”
3)
Find a friendly person.
Find someone who looks more like
an “Aunt
Bee from Mayberry” rather than “The Big
Bad Wolf.” If it seems appropriate, ask them
if they know any of the people there and let them introduce
you to others. Often, the best way to meet someone
is through the help of a friendly person.
4)
Easy on the alcohol.
Unless you are aware of being nervous,
social situations can make you tense and you might
be tempted to overindulge in alcohol. Eat something
before you go out and keep the drinking below your
average minimum so you are not in danger of embarrassing
yourself.
5)
SAVVY SINGLE’S
need S.P.A.C.E.
Give yourself the SPACE to meet someone.
Waiting for someone to approach you is a bad idea.
First, because there is a good chance you will not
be picked out of the crowd. And second, it is a bad
idea to wait for someone to find you because you
want to be the one who chooses your dating experience.
If someone does approach you, that’s great.
Make an assessment as to whether you are attracted
or not, and if you are not, move away. But when no
one is pursuing you, get busy!
Memorize
these steps from the word SPACE:
S
is for Scan the room. See if there is someone
you would like to meet. If you make eye contact,
smile to let them know you are interested in talking
to them.
P
is for Position yourself. Move to where the
interesting person is. Take responsibility for meeting
potential dates.
A
is for Ask a question. If you want to
be successful and find people to date, you have got
to talk. Ask generic questions, like: Are you from
here? How long have you lived here? Where is your
family from? The answers to these questions should
lead you to more questions and interaction. Talk.
That’s
how you get dates.
C
is for Compliment. Find something to compliment
the person about that you are talking to, if you
feel attracted. You don’t have to be insincere—you
need to be observant. Don’t gush. Just mention
that you noticed their nice smile, or how their jacket
looks good on them, or how nice it is to meet someone
who is easy to talk to.
E
is for Exchange contact information. Give
the person a number or an email address where they
can reach you and ask for their contact number.
Savvy
Singles