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Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Savvy Singles > What Women Want

Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

What Do Women Want?

Everyday, I get an email from a guy somewhere who is begging for an answer to the most frequently asked question by men: “What do women want?

Men get confused about what women want because men and women think in different ways. According to the experts, it’s genetic, so there is no amount of trying to “change” him that is going to work. How those different thinking patterns are demonstrated often get couples in trouble. For example, men perceive working long days and even on weekends as a way to show their love. Women, however, may see that behavior as neglect. Men usually are action-oriented and like to play sports, hike, or ride bikes for a date; most women like to sit and talk over a candle-lit dinner. There are plenty of other examples where men and women get their signals crossed.


For instance, guys feel that they are connected with their lover if they are just sitting quietly watching TV together. Women, however, may feel like the two of them never talk and that as he sits there, he is ignoring her. This simple misunderstanding can cause quiet resentment or hurt feelings. If you have ever been at a loss for trying to understand what women want, here is a five-point guide:

1. Being Number One
Most men find this to be a big shock, but all women want to be Number One. Just ask Cinderella, Cleopatra, Miss Piggy, or any other well-known female icon. They want to know they come first in a man’s order of priorities. They want their main man to choose them over every other activity or relationship. If your girl feels sure of this, she won’t mind when your mother, child, friend, or co-worker calls and asks for help.

What she needs, before any of these people call upon you, is a mutual understanding. Explain to her that your close relationships may require different degrees of attention, from time to time, and you want her support in handling your responsibilities. However, she won’t understand if you often have dinner with your Ex, or drop your plans with her to have beer with the guys instead, or never ask about her day because you watch the sports channel every minute you’re at home. Being Number One is the Number One desire of most women.

2. Keeping Your Word
Women want a man who keeps his word in his relationships, his work, and in all aspects of life. If you promised her the world, (Disney World, that is) then you need to keep your promise. If you can’t, tell her so (preferably, beforehand) and tell her how you plan to make it up to her. More importantly, don’t make agreements you can’t keep. Broken agreements are the source of broken relationships.

3. Listening
Women want a man who listens. If you are a guy, I know you are tired of hearing about this one, but it is central to what a woman wants. Women enjoy talking about their feelings, daily events, relationships, upsets, shopping purchases, and family and friends, more than any other activity. Apparently, listening to topics of this nature is difficult for most men to do.

You may have had the tires on her car rotated; you may have fixed her screen door; and you may have bought a new battery for her smoke alarm. You may also think that doing all that shouts LOVE and you should be allowed to veg-out on the sofa, undisturbed for weeks or months. But if you want your girl to be happy, and if she is trying to talk to you, stop what you are doing, turn off the cell phone and TV, and give her your full attention. When you do, she will feel close to you.

4. Believing Her
A woman wants her man to believe her. Men tend to be (or think they are) far more analytical than women. Therefore, they often have a tendency to dismiss or discount what she is saying. If you know how to balance your brain with your heart, listening and believing are relevant to your relationship. If she has proven herself to be wise and trustworthy, believe her. If you are with someone you don’t trust, then her words will have no effect on you. Furthermore, you have a bigger issue than just not listening. It’s called—why are you there?

5. Doing What She Asks
I know, I know—that sounds like a tall order. But if you implement what she asks for, you will have peace and harmony. This statement assumes she is a good person; that she is basically rational; that she doesn’t ask the impossible of you; and she is equally giving. You don’t have to be a wimp to give her what she wants. Obviously, she also wants a man with backbone. But doing what she asks demonstrates that you care.

It isn’t necessary to complain about how you are misunderstood or taken advantage of, if you understand how the sexes are different. You can negotiate what is possible between you.

Go on and try these suggestions. Your love will be ecstatic. If you are with a happy girl, you are going to be a happy guy. This is what women want.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at, visit her website a or, or call 864-294-9494.

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