Bookmark and Share
Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Savvy Singles > Who You Are

Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

Editor's Note: Online Dating Magazine extends a warm welcome to our newest columnist, Tonja Evetts Weimer. Tonja has 30 years experience as a dating expert and has served as a relationship specialists for TV productions. Every Friday, you'll be able to read Tonja's newest column for singles... savvy singles, that is.

Know Who You Are:
Get What You Want

More than once in your life, you have probably been told, “You have to know who you are.” Did you ever stop and think, “What in the world are they talking about?” The people who say this the most, are usually the ones who are clueless about themselves.

In what often feels like an upside-down world, knowing who you are is easy to say but not so easy to do. Sometimes, it’s difficult to stay focused and clear. But if you are alone and looking for a life partner, knowing who you are as a single is critical to finding who you want to spend your life with. People are automatically drawn to someone who has an interesting life and is fueled by their own energy.


The point to knowing who you are is central to the following: When your true love meets you, how will he or she recognize you? How exactly do you show up in the world? Once you know, take who you are and make yourself the best possible person you can be. Polish your skills, attributes, characteristics, and personality.

It’s never too late to find out who you are. At any point in your life, when you know yourself, you will attract others who are ready for you. Think about the following:

1. Confused about where to begin?
Ask yourself what you don’t want. Knowing who you are NOT and what you do not want in your life is a good place to start on your path of self-discovery.

2. Looking at how you live right now tells you a lot.
If you don’t like your life, spend time thinking about and visualizing how you would like it to be. Then take the steps, one at a time, creating it the way you want it. Ask yourself: What do I want more of? What do I want less of?

3. Choose to be with winners.
Spend more time with people who care about the substance of their conversations and deeds more than the quantity of the goods they can buy. Those who are mindless about the meaning and purpose of their lives can distract you from your unique path. The attitudes of the people you hang out with affect you more than you know.

4. You can’t get rid of yourself.
Who you are has already been shaped. You CAN spend time discovering what you value, what you must have in your life to make you happy, your talents, your taste and style, your unique abilities that can become skills with education and practice. Get to your basic character strengths and make sure you are living from them. Example: if you are artistic or creative, be sure that your life provides the time and the outlet for you to express that characteristic, or you will suffer lethargy, depression, or despair.

Why is it so important to know who you are?

If you are single, you can attract the person you want into your life because you send out signals that are irresistible. You do not have to go chasing after love—you become a magnet to what you want when you are shimmering with the energy of your own life and possibilities.

When you are grounded in your values, you do not become confused by the media icons of how you should look, behave, or become. Comparing yourself to Hollywood stars and models and finding yourself to be less than they are is unkind, unrealistic, and unappreciative of all that you bring to the world. To know who you are is to focus on your strengths and be responsible and happy for them.

When you know who you are, you are not afraid to look within to find your own answers to your unique challenges in your life.

You can step into yourself like a new suit — more and more each day — and wear your newly discovered identity into the world and be proud of it.

Your awareness increases. As you know yourself better, you can see more of others. You can appreciate the traits and differences of individuals and allow people to be who they are without judgment.

You develop your standards, boundaries, integrity, and self esteem more clearly. People feel safe around you when you possess these important qualities.

You are not afraid to apologize when you have made an error. You know that admitting you are wrong or that you do not understand something does not diminish you as a person. You are big enough to hear and learn from others.

Who are you? Who do you want to become? Think carefully before answering. If you are not sure; if you are not totally proud of who you think you are; or if you think you are capable of being more relevant in the world, set out today to discover and create the person you have always wanted to be.

Knowing and being who you are is the most important gift you have to offer others. It is also how you will attract your love.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at, visit her website a or, or call 864-294-9494.

> - The best approach to find the one. <

All Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is © copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.

Do you agree or disagree with this article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter to the Editor today or post a comment below.


blog comments powered by Disqus

Privacy Statement | Code of Ethics Statement
Bookmark Online Dating Magazine at

>View Online Dating Magazine Singles Travel Adventures<

Online Dating | News | Columns | Features | Dating Services | Niche Dating
Online Dating Directory | Dating Humor | Quick Tip Articles | Online Dating Industry
Industry History
| Online Dating Reviews | Reader Reviews | Dating Videos | Book / DVD Reviews
Reader Letters | Self Improvement | Experiences | Newsletter | Interviews
Top 10 Lists | STD Info Center | About Us | Advertise
Media Center
| FAQ | Search | Contact | Dating Promotions

Dating Cartoons | Dating Jokes | Funny Dating Videos | Dating Games

Online Dating Magazine Needs Your Help!

All content on this Website is ©copyright by Online
Dating Magazine. All Rights Reserved. The content
on this site may not be reused or republished.

Are you an online dating site Webmaster? If so...
If you are looking for free dating content you can republish, click here



Advertise on
Online Dating Magazine



Stay Up to Date:

Follow Us on Twitter

Follow Us on YouTube

Follow Us on Facebook


10 Most Viewed Articles:

Online Dating Tips
Opposites Attract
Online Dating Safety Tips
Rose Colors
Guys are Weird
Dating Games
Online Dating Reviews
Creative Date Ideas
Long Distance Relationships
Dealing with a Breakup

Other Resources:

These links will take you away from Online Dating Magazine.

Google (Google Your Date)
Research Dating Service)

MailOrderBride Guide

Note: Online Dating Magazine does not sell text links anywhere on the site, so please don't email asking about text links. Any links we have are affiliate links, resources we find useful, links to other sites we run or long-time magazine sponsors. We do have graphic ad options in our Advertising section.