Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

Editor's Note: Online Dating Magazine extends a warm welcome to our newest columnist, Tonja Evetts Weimer. Tonja has 30 years experience as a dating expert and has served as a relationship specialists for TV productions. Every Friday, you'll be able to read Tonja's newest column for singles... savvy singles, that is.

Know Who You Are:
Get What You Want

More than once in your life, you have probably been told, “You have to know who you are.” Did you ever stop and think, “What in the world are they talking about?” The people who say this the most, are usually the ones who are clueless about themselves.

In what often feels like an upside-down world, knowing who you are is easy to say but not so easy to do. Sometimes, it’s difficult to stay focused and clear. But if you are alone and looking for a life partner, knowing who you are as a single is critical to finding who you want to spend your life with. People are automatically drawn to someone who has an interesting life and is fueled by their own energy.

It’s never too late to find out who you are. At any point in your life, when you know yourself, you will attract others who are ready for you. Think about the following:

1. Confused about where to begin?
Ask yourself what you don’t want. Knowing who you are NOT and what you do not want in your life is a good place to start on your path of self-discovery.

2. Looking at how you live right now tells you a lot.
If you don’t like your life, spend time thinking about and visualizing how you would like it to be. Then take the steps, one at a time, creating it the way you want it. Ask yourself: What do I want more of? What do I want less of?

3. Choose to be with winners.
Spend more time with people who care about the substance of their conversations and deeds more than the quantity of the goods they can buy. Those who are mindless about the meaning and purpose of their lives can distract you from your unique path. The attitudes of the people you hang out with affect you more than you know.

4. You can’t get rid of yourself.
Who you are has already been shaped. You CAN spend time discovering what you value, what you must have in your life to make you happy, your talents, your taste and style, your unique abilities that can become skills with education and practice. Get to your basic character strengths and make sure you are living from them. Example: if you are artistic or creative, be sure that your life provides the time and the outlet for you to express that characteristic, or you will suffer lethargy, depression, or despair.

Why is it so important to know who you are?

If you are single, you can attract the person you want into your life because you send out signals that are irresistible. You do not have to go chasing after love—you become a magnet to what you want when you are shimmering with the energy of your own life and possibilities.

When you are grounded in your values, you do not become confused by the media icons of how you should look, behave, or become. Comparing yourself to Hollywood stars and models and finding yourself to be less than they are is unkind, unrealistic, and unappreciative of all that you bring to the world. To know who you are is to focus on your strengths and be responsible and happy for them.

When you know who you are, you are not afraid to look within to find your own answers to your unique challenges in your life.

You can step into yourself like a new suit — more and more each day — and wear your newly discovered identity into the world and be proud of it.

Your awareness increases. As you know yourself better, you can see more of others. You can appreciate the traits and differences of individuals and allow people to be who they are without judgment.

You develop your standards, boundaries, integrity, and self esteem more clearly. People feel safe around you when you possess these important qualities.

You are not afraid to apologize when you have made an error. You know that admitting you are wrong or that you do not understand something does not diminish you as a person. You are big enough to hear and learn from others.

Who are you? Who do you want to become? Think carefully before answering. If you are not sure; if you are not totally proud of who you think you are; or if you think you are capable of being more relevant in the world, set out today to discover and create the person you have always wanted to be.

Knowing and being who you are is the most important gift you have to offer others. It is also how you will attract your love.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at tonja@tonjaweimer.com, visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.

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