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JENNIFER'S
GEMS
by Jennifer Brown
Banks
Surviving Your
Dating Drought!
It
happens to the best of us, no matter how successful,
savvy, or sexy. Blame it on career demands, a lack
of social outlets, limited time, or merely time spent
recovering from a broken heart. Before you know
it… days, weeks, months, even years go by,
and you can’t remember the last time you
were in the company of the opposite sex. And, well,
you’re feeling a bit parched. Things have
gotten so bad, you’re having fantasies about
your boss!
Should you approach that cutie at the
gym? Try Internet dating? Should you dive right in
to things, or gradually get your feet wet again? Would
your time be better spent on some soul searching? Or
should you just wait for fate? Well, it all depends...
Whether
your dating drought is by choice or by chance,
here’s how to get through it and QUENCH IT:
Q uit
yer bellyachin’! It’s
not the end of the world, though time may play out
like dog years! Thank your lucky stars that you’re
not suffering at the hands of an abusive mate, or enduring
a bad marriage that has you feeling trapped. Have an
attitude of gratitude! Freedom can be a beautiful thing.
U nderstand
that “this too
shall pass.”
E valuate
your options. Suddenly the nephew of your mom’s
best friend doesn’t look all that bad! Nobody’s
saying that you should compromise your standards. But
as the expression goes “try it, you might like
it!”
N ever let your solo status cause you to
make desperate decisions.
C onnect and spend quality
time with previously neglected friends and family members.
H ave
a “bring a friend party” where
all your single friends bring one other person deemed
a good catch. Mix with some good conversation, some
spirits, good food, and mellow moods---and see what
happens!
I ssue a notice to family members and friends that
you are available and searching.
T ake things one
day at a time.
To give a broader perspective, I posted this question
to YAHOO ANSWERS. These were the responses from other
singles across the country, on how to deal with a dating
drought:
“Go
to different places than normal. Get in a new environment,
new men will notice you.”
“You
just do it, focus your mind on other things. I’ve
had to go an average of 2-3 years between relationships
every time. Work on improving yourself. The better
you are, the more a guy or girl will want to be with
you.”
“Masterbate.”
“Accepting
Urself to be a L.O.S.E.R. helps.”
“Work
on your self-esteem and what you believe about yourself,
and you will come across differently. The dates will
follow, rest assured.”
And here's what the experts say:
According to Iyanla Vanzant, relationship expert
and author of In
the Meantime, “Never believe
that what you do in the meantime, even when it means
you have short-lived relationships, is a useless
waste of time. Every relationship is the relationship
you need at the time. Everything you do in every
relationship you have prepares and brings you closer
to the grand experience of total, unconditional self-love
and love for others.”
Bonita
Bennett, publisher of Being Single Magazine states “Ironically, there are
almost as many eligible men feeling equally discouraged,
because they have not been able to walk up on Ms. Right.
However, when it’s time, God will surely place
each man and woman in their respective places, in
accordance with His will and plan.”
“If
you refuse to take affirmative action in meeting a
lot of people--- and instead, put it in the hands of
fate and wait to be discovered--- your mathematical
chances of finding people with whom you can become
involved obviously diminish.” --- Michael Broder,
PH.D.
Charlotte
E. Thompson, M.D. author of Single Solutions advises “Remember that if you are
doing something you enjoy while looking, it doesn’t
appear that you are “on the prowl” and
your chances improve meeting a man with similar interests.”
How
have you dealt with the challenges of being dateless
and mateless? Send me your strategies and words of
wisdom--Gemsjen@yahoo.com.
In the words of a popular commercial “Knowledge
is a terrible thing to waste!”
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
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Jennifer's
Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning
poet and writer, Jennifer
Brown Banks. It is published
every Wednesday. Click
here to read
her welcome letter.
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