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Jen's Perfect Man: A girl can dream, can’t she? Actually, I’ve found the “perfect man” in bits and pieces of men I’ve met, loved, and in some cases, lost in my life. But never in dosages substantial enough to be just what the doctor ordered. What I am finding, though (and you will too), is there’s always a trade-off! Life is constantly forcing us to choose. There’s a constant battle of heart against mind; a reckoning of what feels good to us vs. what really “is” good for us. And there are many gray areas. You get some of the criteria you want, coupled with traits you could live without! Life is constantly forcing us to choose. Should we stay with the guy who’s amazing in bed, but has the emotional maturity of an adolescent? Should we opt for love over financial security? Should we give ultimatums or go with the flow? Should we wait for that “free spirit” to one day grow up and be grounded? Should we gamble on a guy whose longest relationship has been with his cell phone contract? Should we pray for a mate or pray about the one that’s making us crazy? The trade-off always rears its ugly head. Life is constantly forcing us to choose. I was talking to a friend of mine this morning, faced with this exact thing. She’s met this wonderful guy. He’s caring and compassionate. He makes her feel cherished. They’re compatible in many areas... except one. He doesn’t satisfy her in bed. Even so, she’s decided to stay. She’s willing to sacrifice her physical needs for her emotional ones. It's a tough call for most. In a “perfect world” things wouldn’t be so difficult. We’d have the option of choosing preferences in a potential partner like we would amenities in a car, or features of a new home, or meals in a restaurant. And there is, to some extent a degree of choice. But unfortunately people come to us in relationships in “as is” condition with very few negotiables. And I’ve discovered to my regret, and through trial and error, that “if it don’t fit, you shouldn’t force it!” That’s why it’s so important to do a little soul searching before searching for a soul mate. That’s why it’s so important to recognize that for every gain there will likely be a sacrifice. What matters most to you in a mate? What are you willing to compromise? Are your expectations realistic? Will you even recognize what you want when you find it? Here are a few other things to consider in your quest for the right mate:
What ever you decide, never trade your
happiness, essence, and individuality just to be
coupled up
with someone. Remember that two halves does not a whole
make! What’s
your take on this topic?
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Jennifer's
Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning
poet and writer, Jennifer
Brown Banks. It is published
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