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by Jennifer Brown Banks

Confirmed Bachelors
(Who They Are and What You Should Know)

I hate to say it. But I’m not afraid to. And it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve treaded controversial territory! So, here it goes…

When it came to dating and mating, my mother and women before her, adopted the philosophy “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

Old-fashioned advice? Maybe. But they were “words of wisdom” that produced fewer problems than the ones that exist today.

George Clooney, dubbed as Sexiest Man Alive, 1997 (by People Magazine), and a “confirmed bachelor” has decided that marriage ain’t for him, which is totally his choice. I get that. And, I also respect a man who’s not “wishy-washy;” one that states his position unapologetically.


Meanwhile, he’s enjoying many of the perks and privileges of marriage, as are many other single men. Some would say what’s the problem? We’re all adults.

The problem? Unfortunately it is that the women these “free spirits” are dating (though not all of them), are secretly holding on for dear life, and hoping they’ll be able to change the situation with enough love and hope.

Hope against hope. I’ve been there. But older and much wiser now, I don’t hang on to situations where my value is not recognized, nor my time wasted. I figured out some time ago, that any man who does not recognize the “catch” that I am, isn’t worth catching! And if you’re a fabulous female, so should you.

Unless you’re a “confirmed bachelorette” stop holding on for dear life, and hold out for something better! Stop the cooking, cleaning, crying, coaxing, and the Kama Sutra. And come to your senses.

Ultimatums and Expectations
I was watching an Oprah Winfrey segment a while back ago, when several women were featured on the show who were frustrated because they couldn’t get their guys to commit. These women were attractive, successful and smart. And in apparent great pain. So what gives?

Confirmed bachelors are clever creatures! They often have good taste and choose women who are cream of the crop. They send mixed messages for fear of losing these women who, quite frankly, could easily exercise their options elsewhere. And these fellows know this! So they lead their lovers on, so they won’t lose out.

To try to tame them, some women have questioned the use of ultimatums, and whether they work in getting a guy to the altar.
My position? It’s a 50/50 proposition.

Theoretically speaking, an ultimatum could jolt him to his senses. Or it could backfire and have him bolting in the opposite direction!
But think about it. Would you really want to wed someone you had to “strong arm”? Particularly when there are great guys out here who would die for the opportunity to have you by their side.

Why women need to wake up and smell the coffee!
In all fairness, I don’t want to characterize all “confirmed bachelors” as manipulative or commitment phobic. Some single guys find that they prefer their lifestyle, or that they simply are not marriage material. And they have stated their intent to their mates! I actually have friends and relatives who fit in this category. Yet, their partners refuse to hear and embrace the truth.

So, here are the findings of a study conducted on bachelors and what it reveals. Take note.

If he’s over forty and never been married, chances are he’ll stay that way”, according to Ph. D. Charles Waehler, author of Bachelors: the Psychology of Men Who Haven’t Married.”

Here’s what his research has uncovered:

» The chances of a 35 year-old man who has never been married, to marry is 50/50.

» After 40, the likelihood that a never hitched man will marry, drops to 1 in 5.

» These bachelors tend to be only children or only sons and/or men whose parents married later in life.

He also states that about 3 million men in this country alone choose not to marry. Waehler contends that these guys are not woman-haters, ladies’ men or mama’s boys. They are just happy the way they are.

Food for thought.

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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