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by Jennifer Brown Banks

The Biz of Love
(Principles to Apply for Successful Relationships)

Have you ever had a job you thought was perfect? Think about it.

It’s likely not.

What you’ve probably had in your professional experience was a job that you enjoyed, that didn’t pay well. Or one that paid well, but caused tremendous stress. Or one with great benefits, but an idiot for a boss!

Let’s face it… In life and love there’s always a trade-off. People typically understand this philosophy when it comes to the world of work, but ignore this prevailing principle when it comes to dating and mating.


For example, I’ve got a friend who is a “perpetual bachelor” even though on paper, he proves to be a great catch. In fact, most would consider him a real “mover and a shaker.”
He’s over 40, says he wants to be married, but has yet to find the woman to carry his name.

His criteria? He’s looking for a lover who’s attractive, intelligent, a domestic diva, independent, no small children, supportive of his career, easy to get along with, convenient for him to see, and allows him to call the shots!

He needs to get real and get a clue! The type of woman he’s looking for exists only in the pages of a fairy tale novel. And, he’s not alone. Far too many folks find themselves alone as a result of unrealistic expectations.

If individuals would manage their love lives the way they do their careers, there would be a lower divorce rate, and fewer frustrated singles!

"Corporate Concepts" to Apply for Greater Relationship Success:

In business this abbreviation stands for “Unique Selling Position.” Which in layman’s terms simply refers to your unique value. What is yours? What separates you from others? What value do you bring to a relationship? The clearer you are on this, the easier it is to recognize what you deserve and who deserves you!

These are non-negotiable things that you won’t consider compromising in order to be in a relationship. Mine? I won’t (knowingly) accept a man who’s a liar, cheater, miser, or mess.

Most jobs have “learning curves” and as a result, allow about 90 days to make a determination of whether things are gonna’ work out. The same should apply to budding relationships. Unless there is a lack of chemistry, safety concerns, or extreme personality differences, give it some time. Better to be sure than to look back in regret. In other words, don’t “pink slip” someone prematurely.

Realizing that you can’t have everything, what’s most important to you in your benefits package? What would serve like the icing on the proverbial cake? For example, many men desire an attractive mate. If she’s also a good cook in the kitchen and in the bedroom, that would be considered a “relationship perk.”

A lot of relationships start out with both parties putting their best foot forward. They realize the importance of establishing a good initial impression. Then when there is a level of comfort, or the “L” word is mentioned, somebody slacks off. Which is okay to some extent. Nobody wants to be on “best behavior” forever. But, by the same token, you can’t afford to take your partner for granted either. The competition still exists, so remember to stay on top of your game!

There’s nothing more frustrating than dating someone who’s not sure whether they are in the market for something casual or serious. Know what you want and be honest about your intentions. Good karma makes for good dating experiences.

Can you be counted on in good times and bad? Do you put in quality time to reap quality results? Or are you an “emotional no-show”?

Next time you’re embarking upon a new relationship, or struggling with an old one, do some personal evaluation and make sure your “performance record” makes the grade. This will ensure that you won’t hear the infamous words of Donald Trump… ”You’re fired!”

Recommended Reading
Want to know how certain men measure up when it comes to love? Then you should read “Men at Work: A Job-by-Job Search for Mr. Right," by Polka Dot Press.

And if you’ve enjoyed reading my columns, check out my new poetry book (in honor of April, National Poetry Month), entitled “A Paradox in Pink,” available online through

> - The best approach to find the one. <

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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