DatingMashup.com


 
Bookmark and Share

Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Jennifer's Gems > 35


JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

How I Became My Own "Relationship Expert"
(8 Ways You Can Too)

You can read all the relationship books on the market; I have. From Dr. Joyce Brothers’ “How to Get Everything you Want out of Life”, to “Men are from Mars”, to “How to Catch and Keep the Man of your Dreams,” to “The Rules”, to the “Idiot’s Guide to Healthy Relationships,” and everything in between.

You can consult the “stars”. I have. My zodiac chart reveals, that as a “water-sign”, I ‘m most compatible with Scorpio, Virgo, and Taurus.

You can get worldly wisdom from your mom (that’s a whole different article all together!).

But at some point in life, as daunting of a task as it may seem to be, you will have to become your own “relationship expert.” For the sake of sanity and self-preservation.
Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I met with a potential client to explore the possibility of writing another relationship column.

As is typical for professional free lancers, I submitted some writing samples online, and he contacted me immediately with expressed excitement!

He wanted to meet with me in person to discuss specifics, and to welcome me aboard his team. Before we could seal the deal, however, he wanted me to establish how my “credentials” qualified me to write on relationships.

It was a fair concern, I suppose. After all, my college degrees are in business management, (not journalism), and I don’t have initials behind my name as other “authorities” do.

I thought that the fact that I had 15 years publishing experience, with over 300 pieces published in regional and national publications would be enough.

I thought that the fact that I had been published several times by industry giant SIMON AND SCHUSTER would impress him. And that I also teach creative writing!

He wasn’t completely sold.

But as the conversation progressed, I was able to eventually convince him that when it comes to dating and mating, I’m definitely a “reliable resource”!

I won him over by establishing that there is much to be said for “life experience training.”

In fact, many universities now award actual college credit to students who are able to prove by portfolio or test passing, that they have mastery of a particular subject area, even if they’ve not obtained it through traditional classroom methods.

As such, I have a Ph. D. from the school of hard-knocks!
Truth is, there are very few romantic arenas I haven’t stepped into in my own personal life; thereby giving me first-hand knowledge, (and hindsight vision) of the issues I address in my columns.

So let’s just say I’ve learned a few things, because I’ve lived a few things. Not to mention, I have what I believe to be a “divine” gift.

And as time has evolved, through trial and error, I have happily become my own relationship expert. (Which does not mean that my dealings are always drama free, or that my decision making is perfect.)

Nobody can boast those types of results! Still…

Here's how you can become your own "expert" too:

1) IF IT DOESN’T FEEL GOOD, DON’T DO IT!
When medical doctors prescribe medication for what ails us, they typically take into consideration our medical history, allergies, general health, and other factors. What might be good for you, might be hazardous to me! The same applies to dating and mating “remedies.”

Be true to yourself. Don’t submit to silly strategies or do things that are in conflict with your value system, regardless to what “expert” recommends it!

2) GO WITH YOUR GUT
You know, that little voice inside that lets you know when something just doesn’t feel right despite outer appearances.

3) KNOW YOURSELF
What turns you on? What ticks you off? For example, I don’t care what studies show, I am spiritually drawn and rooted to “nice guys.” Which doesn’t mean that I don’t like a challenge, or that looks are not a factor in my romantic decisions. But, most importantly, a guy has to be genuinely and consistently nice to ultimately “win me over” and keep me.

4) LEARN FROM PAST MISTAKES
As an accounting teacher used to say to us in class, “it’s okay to be stupid, just don’t stay stuck there!” Be discerning, and chronicle your journey for future reference in a dating diary.

5) PAY ATTENTION TO A POTENTIAL MATE’S LONG-TERM ACTIONS AS WELL AS WORDS
(recognize that all men are nice in the beginning). The issue is whether his kindness is “for show” or “for sure”.

6) TAKE “OWNERSHIP” OF YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL HEALTH.
Stop the blame game. No one knows you better, or has as much vestige in your happiness as you do!

7) WHEN MAKING ROMANTIC DECISIONS, USE YOUR HEAD AS WELL AS YOUR HEART.
Learn to intellectualize love.

8) PRAY
Because the “creator” is the ultimate “authority’!


Special Note: Sometimes objectivity and professional training are required. Do seek professional, qualified assistance for “major” relationship issues such as abuse, addiction, infidelity, depression, pre-marital counseling, and crises situations.

As always, I am committed to helping you love better, so you can live better!

Until next time...



>
Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one. <


All Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is © copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.

Do you agree or disagree with this article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter to the Editor today or post a comment below.


 


Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


blog comments powered by Disqus


Privacy Statement | Code of Ethics Statement
Bookmark Online Dating Magazine at Del.icio.us

>View Online Dating Magazine Singles Travel Adventures<

Online Dating | News | Columns | Features | Dating Services | Niche Dating
Online Dating Directory | Dating Humor | Quick Tip Articles | Online Dating Industry
Industry History
| Online Dating Reviews | Reader Reviews | Dating Videos | Book / DVD Reviews
Reader Letters | Self Improvement | Experiences | Newsletter | Interviews
Top 10 Lists | STD Info Center | About Us | Advertise
Media Center
| FAQ | Search | Contact | Dating Promotions

Dating Cartoons | Dating Jokes | Funny Dating Videos | Dating Games

Online Dating Magazine Needs Your Help!

All content on this Website is ©copyright by Online
Dating Magazine. All Rights Reserved. The content
on this site may not be reused or republished.

Are you an online dating site Webmaster? If so...
If you are looking for free dating content you can republish, click here

 

 



Advertise on
Online Dating Magazine



Menu:

 

Stay Up to Date:

Follow Us on Twitter

Follow Us on YouTube

Follow Us on Facebook

 


10 Most Viewed Articles:

Online Dating Tips
Opposites Attract
Online Dating Safety Tips
Rose Colors
Guys are Weird
Dating Games
Online Dating Reviews
Creative Date Ideas
Long Distance Relationships
Dealing with a Breakup

Other Resources:

These links will take you away from Online Dating Magazine.

Google (Google Your Date)
BBB (
Research Dating Service)

MailOrderBride Guide

Note: Online Dating Magazine does not sell text links anywhere on the site, so please don't email asking about text links. Any links we have are affiliate links, resources we find useful, links to other sites we run or long-time magazine sponsors. We do have graphic ad options in our Advertising section.