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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

Are You a Good Catch?
Or Simply a bASS?

Are you good looking? Are you good in bed? Good for you!

Before you go pushing your chest out like a proud peacock though, pay attention.

Satisfying the above conditions may qualify you for “stud status” but they won’t necessarily make you a “good catch” by today’s woman standards. And there is a difference.

 

Let me explain…
My romantic resume reflects a good deal of dating experience with some of the most eligible bachelors on the market. Men that many women would die to dine with. Among them are a TV personality, a prominent city official, and some
well-established entrepreneurs. Men so sexy they would have a single girl salivating like Pavlov’s dog.

This “field experience” has prepared me to speak authoritatively on why so many “eligible” bachelors remain eligible. And how they can go from being “clueless” to “caught”!

So here’s the deal…

Times have changed. Gone are the days when women judged a potential mate primarily on pay. We’re no longer looking for mere providers. We want partners!

The reason? Most of us are “bringing home the bacon” and cooking it too. Most of us have our own homes and our own dreams as well. So the focus has changed. Sure there are gold diggers that would beg to differ, but they are in the minority.

Though good looks, good pay, and a degree still hold a degree of importance, what are you truly bringing to the table except for ratio advantage?

For example, some years ago, a gorgeous guy whose credentials on paper were truly impressive, asked me out. And I was pleased as punch! He was verifiably single, successful, charismatic, and fun to be with. But he lost some serious “brownie points” when on the second date he demanded sex! On the second date! And he wasn’t even smooth about it. He explained to me that it was his “policy” before shelling out too much money, and that it had worked for him in the past.

Needless to say, that situation fizzled out real fast when I laughed and showed that fool to the door.

The nerve!

Even if I was his car, he would have given me more time to warm up than that!

If you’re a guy who’s still “available” despite all your credentials, (especially if you’re over 40 and have never, ever been married), perhaps it’s time to do a reality check. Certainly every woman you encounter can’t be “crazy” or “lacking”.

Here’s the “411” on how to tell if you’re really a good catch (your momma’s opinion aside):

1. Are You a "Real Grown-Up?
This means void of mental games, and minus the bragging about your “conquests”. It also means letting go of excess baggage from former lovers. Recognize that sometimes love hurts. Get over it and move on.

2. Do You Have Realistic Expectations?
I am often amazed at how guys think that relationships will flourish and “magically” be sustained with very little effort on their part. Anything worth having has to be worked at! You can’t put in 60 hours a week at work, and 60 minutes a week with your woman and expect to have success at both. Also, if you want your girl to look like Mariah Carey, you probably shouldn’t look like Drew Carey!

3. Are You an Equal Partner?
Can you give as well as take? Are you willing to compromise to make your mate happy? As a popular record states “I can do bad by myself.”

4. Forget A Good Job. Do You Have a Good Heart?
In today’s economy, job security is fleeting. But a good heart will endear you indefinitely to your love interest. Are you kind and generous? Loyal? Are you responsible? This is what has true staying power to a woman of substance.

5. Can You Be Trusted?
Around your girlfriend’s girlfriends? When out with the fellas? When by yourself? Or do you have to be watched like a hawk so you don’t cheat?

6. Are You Health Conscious?
Decent to look at? Void of unhealthy habits like alcohol or substance abuse? But not a fitness nut either.

7. Do You Respect a Woman's Opinion and Her Intellect? Or do you view females as second-class citizens who should be seen and not heard? Do you take an interest in things that are important to her?

8. Are You Still on Amicable Terms with Most of Your Exes?

If you answered “yes” to at least six of the above questions, congratulations! E-mail me with your phone number!



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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


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