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by Jennifer Brown Banks

Men Demystified
(And Other Comic Relief...)

"Some husbands are living proof that women can take a joke" ~ anonymous

If you’ve been having a hard time figuring out the fellas, and decoding their “mars” messages, help is here! Author Cameron Tuttle, brilliantly and boldly breaks it down in her humorous series of books and products found at

I discovered her wit and wisdom quite by accident today, while shopping for treasures at my local thrift store, and stumbling upon her “The Bad Girl’s 2007 Calendar”. I couldn’t put it down!


This clever calendar contains quips, historical tips, quotes, naughty notes, and more. In addition to keeping you organized with your hot dates, it will keep you in stitches! When thumbing through the pretty pink pages, I laughed so hard I ended up with sore cheeks! And you will too.

Here's a preview:

What He Says: I really get into talking about my feelings.
What He Means: I’ll talk about feelings if it gets me in your pants

What He Says: I go out with my buddies at least once a week.
What He Means: I’m dating other women.

What He Says: I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.
What He Means: Wanna do it?

What He Says: The sexiest thing about you is your mind.
What He Means: You’re not that attractive, but I’ll sleep with you.

What He Says: She has nothing to do with us.
What He Means: I don’t even think about you when I sleep with her.

What He Says: My pager is the best way to reach me.
What He Means: I'm married.

What He Says: I still really value you as a friend.
What He Means: I still want you for booty calls.

And for those who are unemployed or (under)employed, here are pointers she provides on paving over resume gaps:

What You Did Last Year: Collected unemployment & watched TV
What You Say You Did:
Media expert specializing in the youth market

What You Did Last Year: Spent six months in the state pen
What You Say You Did:
Six months on a meditation retreat

What You Did Last Year: Worked at Blockbuster
What You Say You Did:
Feature-film distributor

What You Did Last Year: Answered phones
What You Say You Did:
Telecommunications consultant

What You Did Last Year: Stayed on couch in utter depression
What You Say You Did:
Studied interior design

What You Did Last Year: Got stoned constantly
What You Say You Did:
Extensive pharmaceutical research

What You Did Last Year: Got laid off (w/severance pkg.)
What You Say You Did: Raised venture capital funding for start up

Is this funny stuff or what? Reflected here is just a tiny fraction of what you’ll find between the many pages of this cool calendar/book.

And speaking of humor… Did you know that laughter is truly the best medicine? If you’re looking for a way to de-stress from workplace woes or dating dramas, have a chuckle or two! Studies show that it decreases stress levels and improves general well being.

Need more laughter in your life? Here’s a quick fix!

12 Things to do to Tickle Your Funny Bone:

1. Check out the cute, weekly cartoons here at Online Dating Magazine.

2. Pull out your old high school photos—Can you believe that’s you?

3. Tune into “THANK GOD YOU’RE HERE” a new, outrageous improv show with David Alan Grier (check your local listings for details).

4. Check out See the “DAD LIBS” column.

5. Visit a local comedy club in your area.

6. Purchase any title by Erma Bombeck “Motherhood, the 2nd Oldest Profession”, is a good one, or Aunt Erma’s Cope Book.

7. Spend a few hours in the company of children. Don’t have any? Make a visit to the neighborhood playground. (Be careful to not come off as a stalker).

8. Take a trip to the circus.

9. Learn to look at the lighter side of things. You’ll live longer.

10. Have you paid attention to the creative commercials for cell phones? Many are hilarious!

11. Can you say “Three Stooges”?

12. Check out the funny pages in the daily newspaper. Or invest in a comic book or two.

Get the idea? Now, get going! Life is a celebration. Find joy in each day.

Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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