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by Jennifer Brown Banks

How to be Her "Go-To" Guy
(And Why it Matters)

Every girl’s got a “go-to” guy. Whether she openly acknowledges his role or not, he typically exists. This man is as essential to a woman’s everyday functioning as black pumps and a cell phone! He is particularly crucial for today’s single sister.

A “go-to” guy can be the “hottie” that we call up on a moment’s notice to attend an important social affair. Or he can be that special someone who provides a shoulder to cry on in times of turmoil. Some go to guys are our mechanics, our advice gurus, or our Mr. Fix-it. While others may serve as emotional cheerleaders that help us reach greater heights.


The nice thing about go to guys is that there is an established bond, a shared history, and a foundation of trust. When handled right, these associations can produce the makings for a beautiful romantic relationship as well. And they often do.

It happened to me.

My friend “Joel” and I met more than 10 years ago. We dated a few times, but didn’t establish a real “love connection.” The timing was just wrong. Through the years, however, we remained friends. We kept in touch by phone and email, and I often could rely on him for advice and emotional support. He was my “go to” guy above all others. He was super smart, and I valued his judgment.

Joel was also very caring and sweet. We had many things in common, though he was several years my senior. Of all my male friends, he was the one man I could truly be vulnerable and open with. He saw me cry and wiped my tears. He was there through workplace woes, my fears, and false friends. He was my refuge from life’s storms And he never wavered.

One evening, when he returned home from a vacation out of the country, he called me, since we hadn’t seen each other for quite some time. He simply said that he had been thinking about me, and longing to get together. About a week later, we shared an intimate dinner at his beautiful home, complete with wine, classical music, stimulating conversation, and some mellow moments.

It felt like we had never been apart.

Somehow, we connected on a deeper level, and I was hooked! We dated for quite awhile after that initial reunion. Because he had been so dear to me in the past, our transition to a romantic level simply felt right. And for many moons it was! I still remember him fondly.

"Go To Guy" Vs. Friend
A go to guy is different than a mere friend, in that he has shown himself to be reliable and valuable. He fills a need. Whereas friends may or may not, depending upon the circumstances The emotional support and willingness of go to guys to serve as somewhat of a “knight in shining armor” often creates caring feelings on both parties’ part.

Every successful romantic operation requires a plan. Are you seeking to be more than a rescue man? Would you like to elevate yourself in someone’s eyes?

Here’s how to be Her “Go To Guy” and Ultimately Win Her Heart!

1. Be a Man of Your Word.
Few guys recognize the value of this very simple measure. Being a man of your word helps a woman to develop trust and confidence in you.

2. Don’t have a Hidden Agenda.
Women can detect a man with less than honorable intentions, relatively easily. Don’t do things for her simply to create an emotional debt, or to justify entitlement on your part. Be genuine in your words and deeds. Chivalry is a definite turn on!

3. Don’t Expect to Win her Over in a few Weeks OR With a few Compliments.
Chances are, other guys are wooing her as well. Sometimes appreciation and depth of emotions takes a while.

4. Refrain From Trashing Her Current Love Interest.
If your intended is currently seeing someone else who doesn’t deserve her, voice your opinion, but don’t strive to “vilify” him. It will only make her angry and defensive, and possibly bring them closer.

5. Be Well-rounded.
One of the reasons that many women have several go to guys, is that none are diverse enough to fulfill multiple needs. Let her searching end with you. Be like a one-stop shop.

6. Help Her to Laugh, Let go, and See the Lighter Side of Life.
It will increase your value in her eyes.

7. Let Her Know That you Believe in Her by Supporting Her Dreams and Goals.
Be her biggest fan.

Armed with these seven tips, you’re bound to be the guy she seeks to meet her most intimate “go to” needs! Now go to it!


Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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