Coming Clean About Bald Men
(And Other Fashion Faux Pas)

Sometimes, less is more. Sometimes, it really isn’t. Such is the case with bald men. (Not to be confused with “balding” men).

Bald styles, as a fashion statement, are a bit tricky; much like spandex on women over size 12; or tattoos for folks over 40. Yet, many men are opting for this choice in cuts.

Don’t get me wrong. From a grooming standpoint, I recognize that it requires less maintenance and is much neater. And I am definitely on board for anything that makes a man look more polished in his presentation. I even like the playful pleasures afforded by baldheads. But the bald truth is that it ain’t workin’ for everybody!

Let me explain.

On Yul Bryner it’s beautiful. On Charles Barkley it’s BODACIOUS. On Michael Jordan, it’s stylish. On Taye Diggs, it’s a turn-on. It’s a no-go on Dennis Rodman, Peabo Bryson, Patrick Elwood, and Hosea Saunders.

The problem? The culprit is symmetry and head shape.

No harm intended, but fellows with cranial shapes like the Cone Heads on Saturday Night Live should not dare to go bare! The same holds true with guys with foreheads that enter the room before they do. Or those with features like E.T..

Of course, I’m no noted authority on the topic. And beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

So let’s just consider it like a public service message on a very hair-raising issue! You’ve been warned. :-)

Speaking of fashion statements….

Spring has sprung! And with it comes an interesting display of fashion dos and don’ts. Although “uniqueness” is an admirable quality, and you should always wear what makes you feel good, here are some good guidelines.

Tips for the fashion challenged:

» If in doubt, ask a best friend.

» Just because something comes in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it. At least not for the general public! For example, because my gluteus maximus is becoming maximum, I reserve spandex gear for the health club, and not general strolling activities. Though sometimes a big shirt with a long tail will work wonders in terms of concealing

» Remember that full-length mirrors were made for a reason. Use em’.

» Unless you’re in a professional uniform, you shouldn’t look like one of the “Village People.” Remember “Y.M.C.A.?”

» Ladies should leave something to the imagination. Sleazy is not the same as sexy.

» Men should be mindful that dirty nails and dirty collars are a no-no.

» Fake hair and nails should at least look natural. Invest wisely.

» Cleanliness can compensate for a lot of flaws.

» When dressing to impress, always emphasize your positive traits, and detract from the negative. And everybody has positives.

» Have a consultant work with you on your color chart or “season.”

» One or two rings per hand is a good way to accessorize with jewelry.

» Keep a mental note of the styles that you wear that receive the most compliments, and repeat these looks regularly.

» Change up every now and then. Men like visual variety.

» In the words of Viveca Fox “Do you!” Don’t have a cookie cutter image.

» Men, know that if your earrings are bigger than your girlfriend’s, it might compromise an otherwise masculine image.

Did you know that the way you dress determines how others view you? Studies show that people make judgments on your educational level, income, background and occupation based upon your wardrobe choices. What will yours say about you? And is it what you’d like to convey?

Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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