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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

How to Manage Your Dating Life for Optimal Success

Is your dating life like a three ring circus? Do you find yourself juggling partners? Are you trying to do a balancing act to meet personal and professional demands?

There’s a better way.

Whether you’re seeing multiple people through a dating service, dating and mating online, or hooking up through personal ads, there’s a way to mellow the madness!.

I have a friend who is not quite “savvy” in this regard. And his lack of skill inspired this column.

My friend “Bailey” is in a dilemma. He dates several women because he finds that they fulfill multiple needs. After all, he’s a free agent. He divorced many years ago, has no small kids, owns a beautiful home, is world traveled, and feels that it is within his right to be able to pick and choose. And I agree!

The problem is that one of the women that he’s dating has threatened to stop seeing him, because he’s not putting in enough quality time with her, and she’s caught him in a few inconsistencies. He cares for her and doesn’t want to lose her.

This woman, “Elana”, is very attractive, college degreed, owns her own home, has no small children, a good career, and has several suitors knocking at her door as well. As such, she’s not used to playing second fiddle to anyone else, and has given him an ultimatum. Either she’s first, or she folds! What should he do?

Perhaps you’re in a similar situation. You start out seeing one person, then meet other interesting, eligible singles along the way, and at some point need to prioritize and make sense of your choices. After all, like most things in life, you should be dating with a goal. Right?

Well before you lose your sanity, or lose the affections of someone who has the potential to have great meaning in your life, here’s how to proceed.

8 Ways to Mellow the Madness and Manage your Dating Life:

1. Establish dating goals
Just like you would with a job. Where do you see yourself in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? Would you like to be married? Or are you merely seeking a warm body at night? Better decide, before the decision is made by default.

2. Be honest with the other people involved
There’s nothing that the average woman hates more than an unskilled “player.” Most women know when men are seeing multiple partners, and it’s an insult to our intelligence to be lied to or misled. Of course it’s not necessary to divulge al the details of your personal life, because it is indeed personal. But be a person of integrity and allow her to choose if she wants to play on the “team”, or throw in the towel. It’s only fair, and often prevents “fatal attractions.”

3. Know what you’re looking for
It saves everybody time and trouble.

4. Don’t burn bridges you don’t have to
Sometimes we know relatively soon whether we click with another person, and whether they have that “it” factor. In the weeding out process, be kind and try to keep on friendly terms if at all possible. Even though there was no love connection, this could be the basis for a great future friendship.

5. Keep your details in order
Make sure not to call out the wrong name, or confuse other important identifying details in interacting.

6. Play safe
Multiple dating partners is all right. Multiple sex partners is foolish. But if as consenting adults, everyone agrees that it’s okay to spread their love around, at least wear protection.

7. Know what side your bread is buttered on
Of the people you are dating, no two have absolute equal value. Which could you call on if you were sick? If your car broke down? To share a secret? To fulfill your deepest needs and desires. Who ever that person is should receive top billing and prioritization.

8. Set a timeframe to make your decisions
Do this so you can know the joys of having one special “significant” other, and move toward greater intimacy!

Consider these sage words:

“Life is too short to spend it in the wrong relationship.”
~ Joel Osteen ~


 


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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


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