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JENNIFER'S
GEMS
by
Jennifer Brown Banks
30
Things Everyone Should Know How to Do
(Martha Stewart Versus Jen)
I’m
a huge Martha Stewart fan. Huge. To me she is the
ultimate diva of domesticity. Over the years, she’s
truly grown on me.
I
was a faithful follower of her short-lived The Apprentice
with Martha Stewart show before it got “fired”.
Her K-mart, eggshell white lampshades grace my living
room. I’ve attempted to master her many recipes
and mimic her how-tos.
But,
I have to say, I wasn’t
really feelin’ her on a recent show’s
showcasing of The 30 Things Everyone Should Know
How to Do. I’m
not really sure whether the
difference in opinion is due
to culture, class, or lifestyle
clash. To me they seemed a
bit half-baked (pardon the
pun).But,
read on and discover what I mean.
Here’s
a look at a few things Ms. Martha
felt we all should be versed
on:
» How
to make French toast (and the reason being?)
» How
to iron properly (that’s
what cleaners are for).
» How
to set a table » How
to make a good grilled cheese
sandwich
» How
to paint (can you say “handyman”?)
» How
to make a bed properly» How
to carve a turkey
» How
to remove a stain (don’t
we have products that master
that?)
» How
to make perfect rice
» How
to make the perfect cup of tea
(it’s not rocket science)
» How
to make a good Margarita (now
I’ll drink to that!)
» How
to make a lovely centerpiece
And
a few other things that I had difficulty pronouncing
or duplicating when demonstrated.
There were only about 10 out
of the thirty that I thought
were really useful.
Now
if I had to develop a list or produce a show of
30 Things We Should All Know, here's what it would look
like (particularly for singles):
1. How to clean a house properly and quickly.
2. How to cook at least one meal that's not microwaved.
3. How to order a credit report and understand FICO
scores.
4. A little conversational Spanish.
5. How to write an effective complaint letter.
6. How to prepare a resume.
7. Comparison shopping and proper coupon use.
8. Getting along with an ex (for the kid's sake).
9. How to use credit properly.
10. How to operate a TIVO.
11. How to squeeze a dollar and when to let it free.
12. How to sew a button.
13. How to make a good gravy.
14. How to deal with bill collectors and telemarketers.
15. Surviving the loss of a job.
16. How to do a background check on a potential mate.
17. How to live independently (successfully and happily).
18. The many uses for Oodles of Noodles, peanut butter,
and eggs.
19. How to not kill your neighbors or their pesty
pets.
20. How to survive freeloading relatives.
21. How to get along with your boss.
22. How to choose a mate properly (the first time).
23. How to raise well adjusted kids without "Nanny
911"
24.How
to make a difference in the world.
25.
Basic gardening.
26.
How to survive public transportation.
27.
How to break up properly.
28.
Basic time management.
29.
How to read a map.
30.
How to please a mate.
There
folks, you have it!
Now
given today’s
social and economic dynamics,
which, of the two lists, do
you think would benefit you
more?
Here’s
what I figure. Perhaps the greatest lesson
Ms. Martha might impart would
be how to overcome adversity
with grace. I mean, fan or
not, few would disagree that
she handled her conviction,
prison stay, and ultimate fall
from her ivory tower with class,
courage, and true strength!
In my opinion, it’s truly
her calling card! And it’s
something from which we all
could definitely learn!
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Jennifer's
Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning
poet and writer, Jennifer
Brown Banks. It is published
every Wednesday. Click
here to read
her welcome letter.
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