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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

How to be "Chick Slick" or...

A Primer for Men:
7 Reasons Why "Ms. Right" Hasn't Arrived

Relationships were never meant to be rocket science! And yet, many men pursue romance with the same degree of difficulty, and then end up frustrated and unfulfilled. Nothing can ruin good intentions like bad choices and limited knowledge.

Here’s the deal. Contrary to popular opinion, women are not that difficult to “figure out.” Regardless as to race, age, attractiveness, educational background, or income, most of us want the same things.

It’s pretty simple.

» We want to be heard.

» We want to be valued.

» We want to be respected and loved.

» We want a man who seeks to know us as individuals, not just sex toys.

» We want a man who knows when to lead and when to follow.

» We want a man who knows that a good relationship takes some work.

Some time ago, I read an article in Being Single Magazine, in which the author, Theodore McNee, lamented how difficult it was for him and other bachelors to find the girl of their dreams.

Based on my observations and experiences, it’s with good reason! It’s not that good women are not abundantly available; often it’s the criteria being used that’s faulty. Can we be real? Comparatively speaking, guys still get a better deal than we do.

Here’s why:

» The ratio of women to men is about 5 to 1.

» Women tend to be a lot more flexible and “charitable” in their romantic requirements. Because some women feel that they have limited options, and some have their biological clocks ticking, they will “date down.” I know quite a few sisters who through simple observation, bring more to the table than the men they date. No doubt you do too!

» Women also tend to be more mature in their expectations.

Because of these dating dynamics, men typically feel less of a sense of urgency in finding a mate and making a commitment. As the expression goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” Though this does not apply to all single men, it certainly can be said of many.

These are the most common reasons that most men have not found "Ms. Right":

1) Thinking with the Wrong Head
Raging hormones have caused many a man to use poor judgment and later have regrets. I know a guy now who is paying hefty child support for a woman he had a one-night stand with. Just one night cost him an eighteen-year debt! I’ve also known guys to cheat on someone they really loved, for a meaningless fling, as a result of thinking with the wrong organ.

2) Believing that all Women are the Same
My musician friend from California in many ways is a good catch! But what keeps him single and searching is his crazy notion that all women are primarily the same and respond equally to the same treatment. Wrong! Take the time to know your woman intimately, not just in intimacy.

3) Having Unrealistic Expectations
Too many men aspire to partner with women who look like Halle Berry, while they resemble FLAVA FLAV! Come on guys, get a clue.

4) Clinging to Freedom for the Wrong Reasons
Trust me on this one. When you find the right girl she’ll add to your life, not take from it! And what’s so wonderful about hangin’ out with “the fellas”, and having your own space? Ideally, your woman should be your best friend, and someone whom you enjoy sharing your world. If not, it’s a major clue that she might not be the one for you.

5) Being a Lazy Lover (Wanting More Than They're Willing to Give)
It’s really ironic to me that some of the most successful men I’ve ever dated happen to also be the laziest lovers! I don’t mean physically, I mean in terms of putting in the time and effort to make a relationship work. Many of them lack balance and a sense of priorities. They often are workaholics who are consumed with climbing the corporate ladder, then wonder why they’re alone.

6) Treating Their "Wheels" Better Than They Treat Their Women
Some men have pet names for their cars, and spare no expense in proper upkeep and maintenance, while treating their mate like a broken down jalopy!

7) Choosing Glitter Over Substance
Who doesn’t wish to be associated with someone who is attractive, and by association makes us look good?! But word to the wise…there is always a trade off! Decide what’s important and recognize that true beauty is skin deep!

Want to woo today’s single woman and increase the chances of landing your dream girl? A wise man and sexy songwriter said it best in the lyrics to one of my favorite love songs:

Compliment what she does.
Send her roses, just because.
If it’s violins she loves, let them play.
Dedicate her favorite song, and hold her closer all night long.
Love her today. Find 100 ways!

~ James Ingram



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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


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