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 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies.
Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
Offline
Dating Versus Online Dating | Video Chats
Quick
Access:
Online Dating vs Offline Dating
Hot Video Chats
Is online dating a faster
way than offline dating to find a partner?
In
some ways, it sure can be. The tools of online dating
like advanced filters to connect only with others
who meet your basic personal preferences, compatibility
testing, and real-time forms of communication like
instant messages, emails and video chats permit you
the chance to hone in quicker on people that are
right for you and then allow you to get to know them
quickly. In fact, online relationships can develop
faster than offline relationships.
On
the other hand, one could also argue that online
dating is
somewhat slower. You see, we traditionally
meet people offline in one of three ways: at work,
introductions by family or friends, and accidental
meetings as we go about our daily business. These options
are pretty good if you live and work among a large
group of people, but for most people they offer a very
limited set of romantic prospects. In this sense, there
are fewer people to cull through. With online dating,
your candidate pool is immense. There are potentially
hundreds of thousands – if not millions – of
romantic prospects from which to choose.
Because
of this, it actually may take some people longer
to find a suitable partner browsing through
the whopping number of personal profiles – even
if they use advanced filtering and have very strict
personal preferences in a partner. The real key to
success is not to think of dating, online of off, as
a time restricted “hunt.” Putting that
kind of pressure on yourself will tend to lead to impulsive
and unwise decisions. Finding the right partner for
a casual date or a lasting relationship will only be
as successful as the amount of time and effort you
put into the search.
How “hot” should video chats
get?
Between consenting adults… they
can get as hot and steamy as you both want. Notice
I said as you both
want. Any issue pertaining to sexuality needs to discussed
with the other person and personal boundaries respected.
A few other points should be mentioned when contemplating
a very private video chat:
» Privacy. Make
sure you have absolute privacy – don’t
have adult video chats at work (even after hours when
you think no one is around!), make sure your speakers
don’t resonate into your neighbor’s apartment
or home, and single parents, make sure the kids are
away or fast asleep and your door to the computer area
locked.
» Respect. Never record any form of private communication
with another person without their knowledge and consent.
» Understanding. It’s important before any level
of intimacy, that two people discuss what a certain
action or activity means or doesn’t mean. One
person may assume that having private adult instant
messages, emails and video-chats mean that a relationship
is at a mature level. On the other hand, another person
may regard these activities only as casual and non-committal
online fun. Have a clear and advance understanding
about what something means to the other person before
you both do it.
» Truthfulness. People
have this annoying habit of saying things during
passionate experiences
that they
really
don’t mean. A good example is “I love you.” Always
be mindful of what you say and do, because you don’t
want to lead the other person on, be on a different
page than they are, or make promises you can’t
keep. Awful things happen in relationships when our
words and deeds are inconsistent.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
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