Bookmark and Share

Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Office Hours with Dr. Jim > 83

Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James Houran, Ph.D

In this column, "Dr. Jim" honestly and candidly answers your questions about dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell you what you want to hear – he tells you what you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering you guidance based on responsible clinical practice and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration in an upcoming issue.

Men and Women - Turnons and Turnoffs

Quick Access:
Different Turnons and Turnoffs Between Men and Women

Do men and women have different turnons and turnoffs?



The public likes to think that men and women are vastly different creatures. After all, news reports are constantly sensationalizing “sex differences” or “gender differences” (the difference being one is supposedly rooted in biology and the other in learned, socially-sanctioned norms). And our own experience often tempts us in believing that men and women think and therefore act differently. Well, research has identified some differences between the sexes in both in terms of biology and socially-learned behaviors, but more often than not men and women are more alike than different.

The same is often, but not always, true for issues of sexuality. The Plenty of Fish Sexual Seduction Survey found that men and women actually share the same basic turnons and turnoffs. They may not weigh them all the same, but the sexes clearly agree on the basic ingredients in the recipes for what makes for romantic “bliss” and what makes for a romantic “miss.” The major turnoff for both sexes was bad hygiene. The take-a-way is clear:

» In online photos always look your best, and update your photo regularly so you appear fresh and hip.

» Offline, always double-check your appearance before leaving for a date.

» Always keep breath mints, travel-size deodorant, a comb or brush and some cologne in the car—because you definitely will need them at some point.

» After being seated at a restaurant, make a point to excuse yourself and tell your date, “Excuse while I wash my hands for dinner.” Let the person hear you say this, so s/he will appreciate the attention to hygiene.

» Dates, especially first dates, can be stressful. But, be cognizant of how you cope with the stress. Many people fidget by touching their faces constantly. Don’t do this! Besides being unhygienic, it simply looks unattractive.

» Consider using whitening strips for your teeth if you’re a smoker or have strong tea or coffee stains. But, don’t bleach your teeth so white that they look unnatural.

» Wash your clothes well, and if need be, only use a professional launderer for the clothes you prefer to wear on dates so you’ll be confident it was done right and that you will look attractive.

» I’m told that “cleanliness is next to godliness,” but taking cleanliness too far will also damage your dating chances. Don’t come across overly preoccupied with constantly washing your hands or avoiding touching things else people could perceive you as neurotic.

The major turnon for both sexes was a passionate and romantic demeanor. The take-a-way is clear:

» Don’t overdo the coy, shy and playing hard to get routine. Show interest!

» Mind your manners and show class.

» Be in the moment when you’re with a partner… leave work and personal issues at home as opposed to bringing them with you mentally on a date. People can tell when someone is preoccupied, and preoccupied people are dating “buzz kills.”

» Show good eye contact, smile, act comfortable and be a good listener.

» Exude confidence – and one way is to dress in what makes you feel attractive and confident. Also, choose date locations or activities that are familiar. It’ll reduce anxiety, since you’ll more at ease in familiar surroundings.

» Only give sincere compliments.

» Talk about topics that feed – not diminish – romance. Good subjects are: hopes and aspirations, personal interests, music, dreams and travel. Poor subjects are: politics, other dates, past relationships, science fiction, religion and celebrities.


> - The best approach to find the one. <

All Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is © copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.

Do you agree or disagree with this article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter to the Editor today or post a comment below.


blog comments powered by Disqus

Privacy Statement | Code of Ethics Statement
Bookmark Online Dating Magazine at

>View Online Dating Magazine Singles Travel Adventures<

Online Dating | News | Columns | Features | Dating Services | Niche Dating
Online Dating Directory | Dating Humor | Quick Tip Articles | Online Dating Industry
Industry History
| Online Dating Reviews | Reader Reviews | Dating Videos | Book / DVD Reviews
Reader Letters | Self Improvement | Experiences | Newsletter | Interviews
Top 10 Lists | STD Info Center | About Us | Advertise
Media Center
| FAQ | Search | Contact | Dating Promotions

Dating Cartoons | Dating Jokes | Funny Dating Videos | Dating Games

Online Dating Magazine Needs Your Help!

All content on this Website is ©copyright by Online
Dating Magazine. All Rights Reserved. The content
on this site may not be reused or republished.

Are you an online dating site Webmaster? If so...
If you are looking for free dating content you can republish, click here



Advertise on
Online Dating Magazine



Stay Up to Date:

Follow Us on Twitter

Follow Us on YouTube

Follow Us on Facebook


10 Most Viewed Articles:

Online Dating Tips
Opposites Attract
Online Dating Safety Tips
Rose Colors
Guys are Weird
Dating Games
Online Dating Reviews
Creative Date Ideas
Long Distance Relationships
Dealing with a Breakup

Other Resources:

These links will take you away from Online Dating Magazine.

Google (Google Your Date)
Research Dating Service)

MailOrderBride Guide

Note: Online Dating Magazine does not sell text links anywhere on the site, so please don't email asking about text links. Any links we have are affiliate links, resources we find useful, links to other sites we run or long-time magazine sponsors. We do have graphic ad options in our Advertising section.