Online
Dating Magazine > Columns > Office
Hours with Dr. Jim > 65
Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In
this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
Mistakes
Men Make | Online Dating Obsolete?
Quick
Access:
Men's Mistakes Coming
on to Women
Online
Dating Becoming Obsolete?
What
are some common mistakes men make coming on to
women?
That’s
a tough question, as I’d recommend that men
not try to “come on” to women – it’s
simply not classy and not effective because it’s
not sincere. From my own personal experience and
from observations of others, I offer five tips on
what not to do with your partner if you want a lasting
relationship:
» Never
minimize the importance of being sincere and honest.
» Never
minimize the important of being well groomed.
» Never
minimize the importance of being a good listener.
» Never
minimize the importance of her emotional needs – that desire for bonding,
attachment and meaningful communication. Her needs
should come first.
» Never
minimize the importance of spending alone time with
her – regular periods where you demonstrate
to her that she is a priority and that she has your
attention.
Isn’t online dating becoming obsolete?
Despite
the rise and popularity of social networking sites
and other online communities like MySpace and YouTube,
online dating sites are not dead yet. To assess the
health of the industry, independent research firm
Synovate surveyed 4,386 people from Brazil, France,
Korea, the Philippines, Singapore, South Africa, Romania
and the United States to determine their online dating
perceptions, learn who has used the internet to find
a romantic partner and the level of success that they’ve
had.
The
results reveal a fairly even match between those
who think online dating is a great way to meet people
(49%) and those who think it is a waste of time (48%),
it underscores significant disparities among levels
of use and comfort between people of different nationalities.
Globally,
15% of respondents said they had used an online personal
ad or online dating service to meet a potential romantic
interest, with the French (29%), Filipinos (21%)
and Americans (15%) being the biggest online daters.
Entertainment appears is the main driver for 46% of online dating
respondents, with many Brazilians (67%), Americans
(50%) and Romanians (49%) trying online dating out
of fun or curiosity, while one quarter of all online
daters consider it simply a natural extension of
their regular use of the internet. You can see now
why I call “long-term
relationship” online dating sites a niche market.
Some
new findings also emerged from the study. While it’s not surprising that a person's photograph
is the main factor determining whether someone will
initiate communication for 25% of online daters, 39%
are more interested in the written description of their
personality and 32% just want someone who meets basic
criteria such as shared interests and hobbies. Statistics
like these are difficult to interpret, because something
called social desirability bias comes into play. That
is, survey respondents may occasional give misleading
answers because they feel they should say what they
feel is the “right thing” to say.
And
just when you think the negative stigma of online
dating has diminished, that stigma seems to rear
its ugly head. Over half of the American respondents
said they’ve
had at least one disaster date with someone they met
online, but 64% said that they’d had more good
dates than bad ones. That’s encouraging, and
certainly not out of line for what an offline success
rate might be.
In
fact, consistent with my
own opinion, online daters who do end
up meeting face-to-face have a remarkable success rate.
Specifically, 25% of all respondents claimed to have
met their spouse or life partner through online dating.
Americans (42%) and the French (28%) appear most successful
at taking online love offline, while for most Filipinos
(3 %) online dating doesn’t usually lead to a
long-term relationship.
The
Synovate research clearly shows that online dating
hasn’t become obsolete – in
the US or throughout the word for that matter. But,
it does highlight the intentions and perceptions people
have about it. Not everyone uses online dating in the
same way, and not everyone has successful experiences
with it. From what I’ve found, you tend to get
out of online dating only what you put in it. Most
people are fine and find what for what they’re
searching if they’re honest in their intentions
and communications, they have fun, they’re respectful
of everyone else and they take it slow and cautiously.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
<
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today or post a comment below.
|