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 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In
this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
Meeting
in Bars | Online Dating Account Security
Quick
Access:
People Who Hook Up in
Bars
Security
of Your Online Dating Account
Why do some people seem
to hook up so easily in bars?
It
seems like the answer should be quite simple and
obvious, doesn’t it – something along
the lines of “bars are a popular place for
singles to congregate and mingle.” Well, that’s
true, but there are other forces at work that may
not be so obvious.
First,
people who are in close proximity to us are more
physically attractive to us than those who are not
in close proximity. Research shows that merely being
in the same general vicinity as another person can
increase our over all liking for that person. The
longer that two people are in close proximity, the
greater the chance that they’ll
end up liking each other. This classic principle
in psychology is known as the “mere exposure” effect
(2,3). In some
cases, the mere exposure effect may extend to physical
attractiveness. The longer we’re
exposed to someone, the more likely we’ll come
to find him or her physically attractive. This is
especially true if we really like the individual’s
personality traits or if we like the person as a
friend.
Related
to the above, people who are in our immediate focus
of attention tend to be perceived as more physically
attractive than those not in our immediate focus.
Alcohol often helps focus this attention. Psychologist
Claude M. Steele notes that alcohol narrows the attention
span and that when people are intoxicated, they’re most responsive to things
that are in the center of their attention as opposed
to things in the periphery of their attention. So
that helps explain why two people sitting close together
find each other more interesting and/or attractive!
Then,
too, is the effect called the “bar closing
phenomenon”, that is having been unable to
find a sexual partner who’s attractive to us,
we suddenly become physically attracted to whichever
people are left in the bar at the end of the evening—even
if earlier in the evening we didn’t find them
to be particularly attractive at all (1).
Reference:
1
Gladue, B.A., & Delaney, H.J. (1990). Gender
differences in perception of attractiveness of men
and women in bars. Personality & Social Psychology
Bulletin, 16, 378-391.
2
Zajonc, R.B. (1968). Attitudinal effects of mere
exposure. Journal of Personality & Social
Psychology, 9 (2, part 2), 1-27. doi:10.1037/h0025848
3 Zajonc,
R.B. (1970, February). Brainwash: familiarity breeds
comfort. Psychology Today, 3 (9), 32-35, 60-64.
How can I tell if someone
gained unauthorized access to my online dating
account?
This is an aspect of security in online dating that’s
not really being addressed. Some people may not see
this as a priority issue, but it’s definitely
a legitimate concern. I know of cases in which some
people have gained access to another person’s
online dating profile without proper authorization
because of flaws in a company’s security settings.
Therefore, read very carefully the privacy and security
approaches used by the online dating site to which
you belong.
Of
course, there are things you can do as well to ensure
your privacy and security, especially if you live
with others who share the computer or might try to
sign on:
» Ensure
that a username and password are required when powering
up your computer. If Windows loads without prompting
for a password, one needs to be set by using Ctrl-Alt-Delete
then the "Change
Password" button.
» Avoid
using the “Remember
my password” option when logging into websites.
While this adds an extra step it prevents someone who
has gain access to your computer from getting to sensitive
information.
» When
not in use keep your computer logged out or turned
off when not in use.
» Turn
on the screen saver option (Control Panel->Display, Screen Saver
Tab) and set the “On resume, password protect ” box.
This will lock your computer in case you forget when
leaving the laptop unattended. Also, choose to ask
for a password when resuming from Standby. You can
set this by clicking the "Power" button on
the Screen Saver tab, then the "Advanced" tab
and check the box "Prompt for password when computer
resumes from standby."
» Limit
the time you are connected to a public wireless network.
» If
you’re
going to leave a laptop in a hotel room; lock, logout
or turn off the laptop and store out of sight.
» Avoid
using older operating systems like Windows 95, Windows
98, etc. The company standard is Windows XP with Service
Pack 2. If you’re using an older operating system,
please talk to an expert about upgrading.
» Ensure
that your computer has the latest security patches
installed (http://update.microsoft.com) and make sure
your anti-virus software is functional and up to date.
Also make sure that firewall software is enabled and
running on your system. FYI, Windows XP includes a
firewall that is enabled by default.
Following
these guidelines will help keep your personal information
safe.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
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