Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies.
Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
This Week:
What colors should I wear for my online
dating photo?
I’m trying to give my
online dating profile a makeover. Are there certain
colors I can wear to make me look better?
Obviously, we live in an unfair world and appearance
does matter – both online and off. To be sure,
I did say in an earlier
column that posting a good
photo (and many of them) was the number way to enhance
your online profile. I also talked at one point about
how both men and women typically take into account
two main factors when sizing up a potential prospect:
How attractive the prospect is and how accessible the
prospect is. This was called the “attractiveness
and proximity principle.” However, women tend
to be a wee bit more forgiving in the looks department – indeed,
women usually put more stock in a man’s personality
and social status than his physical stature.
Now having said all of this about the importance of
physical appearance, I should also make it crystal
clear that it’s more important in the long run
for a person to “feel” good than to “look” good
when searching for love. For instance, laboratory studies
and observations in actual social settings by Dr. Monica
Moore at Webster University reveal that given a choice
of a beautiful woman who’s aloof and a “plain
Jane” who’s clearly approachable and flirtatious;
men consistently choose to approach Ms. Plain Jane.
This tells us that looks only go so far in attracting
a prospect, whereas a person’s projected “attitude” goes
much further. What does this have to do with an online
profile makeover? Well, we can apply Dr. Moore’s
findings to online photos.
Besides having a good
photo that really showcases you,
careful selection of the colors you wear may well enhance
your profile even further. The fact is that when people
wear clothing that they like, it promotes healthy,
upbeat and generally positive emotions in us and motivates
us to act and poise ourselves as more sociable and
approachable. Simply put, when you feel attractive
inside, you radiate and project attractiveness on the
outside. And, it’s an attractiveness that speaks
beautifully to Dr. Moore’s notion of an “attractive
and flirtatious” attitude. So, I say wear the
colors that make you feel confident, attractive, and
mentally and emotionally stimulated. Believe me, these
feelings will come across loud and clear to those viewing
your profile!
Finally, let me leave this topic by summarizing how
certain colors are often perceived by others. This
knowledge is widely available online, so I’m
not passing along any secret information here. Rather,
I hope this summary helps you focus your color choices
even more. Note that I’m ranking them according
to the most desirable to least desirable choices:
1st Place: Blue
There’s a reason why this is one of the most
popular color choices. Most people equate blue with
peace and tranquility. This makes sense given that
some research indicates that blue causes the body to
release hormones that instill feelings of calm and
relaxation. Blue is simply soothing. However, blue
can also be perceived as cold or even depressing. I
mean, they call a music genre the “blues” for
a reason. Still, it’s an excellent choice overall
and fashion experts recommend wearing blue, because
it symbolizes loyalty. This is just the message you
need to convey in profiles posted on online dating
sites that cater to long-term relationships.
2nd Place: Green
I personally love green, but not just any shade.
Olive green or lighter shades put me off for some
reason.
You might disagree. However, many shades of green
symbolize nature, health and fitness. There is
a certain maturity to the color green, if you understand
what I’m trying to convey. Along with blue,
it’s the easiest color on the eye. It’s
also said that green can improve vision. Guys, listen
up – dark green is masculine, conservative,
and implies wealth (perhaps due in part because
US currency is green). This is all good to note,
because
where men place importance on physical attractiveness
in a partner, research based on evolutionary theory
reveals that women place importance on social status
and economic security.
3rd Place: Red
Red is an extreme color; one often associated with
passion, sensuality and lust. Not that I’m saying
that women who wear red will be seen as “putting
on the red light” (ala “Roxanne” by
the Police!). Those most interested in casual dating
sites might place this color first on their list – especially
you ladies out there. Red stimulates a faster heartbeat
and respiration. Those symptoms nicely mimic the
initial feelings of romantic love and lust. Red clothing
gets
noticed, which is great for women because men are
such visual creatures. But, just remember that red
can also
make the wearer appear heavier.
4th Place: Black
This is my personal favorite color, next to red.
To many people, black is a very sensual and alluring
color. It’s popular in fashion since it makes
people appear thinner. Therefore, online daters with
relatively poor body images might select this color
scheme first. Men might also throw in some black.
After all, it’s the color of power and authority.
This perception nicely feeds into the whole “women
are naturally looking for men with social status
and economic security” idea from evolutionary
theory. Yet there are some potential pitfalls. Black
can be dull and cliché – I mean just
how many “little black dresses” are
out there anyway?! Additionally, black outfits
can be
overpowering or make the wearer seem aloof.
Second-to-Last Place: White
Let’s face it, white is so popular and fashionable
because it’s light, neutral, and goes with everything.
This is its strength and weakness. White is perhaps
the most dull and cliché color, and it arguably
gives people a “clinical” look. I mean,
many uniforms utilize white color schemes – doctors
with lab coats, nurses with those quirky hats, and
some formal military dress. But, white also conveys
cleanliness and purity. Many consider it a summer
color. Done well, white can lead people to perceive
the wearer
as innocent, fun, and sophisticated or classy.
Last place: Yellow
I’ve been told by professional PR agents to avoid
at all costs yellow clothes when I’m doing a
television spot. I can see their point. Yellow is the
most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it
can be overpowering. Nevertheless, many people perceive
it as an optimistic, cheerful, and tropical color.
There’s no doubt that it’s attention-getting,
but if it is overused it can have the same effect as
yelling at a person! I’d recommend this color
primarily for those using casual online dating sites.
This is because yellow is basically a “loud” and “care
free” color.
And if you need more evidence that color choices and
preferences really do influence us and reveal our inner
qualities, then I encourage you to check out the Dewey
Color System. Dr. Rense Lange of Integrated Knowledge
Systems, who
also happens to be my friend and a brilliant statistician
and researcher, has recently validated aspects of color
theory in conjunction with the “Dewey Color System
Test.” It’s a fascinating read and a fascinating
test!
There you go! Keep in mind that the order of my previous
recommendations is simply my personal opinion. What
matters most is that the color or colors you wear make
you feel confident and attractive. Be as colorful on
the inside as you are on the outside. :-)
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