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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

Same Time, Same Place

“Same time, same place. People are gonna start talking about us,” the sweaty guy said to me as I stepped away on the Stairmaster. Yep, a new gym, but the same type of guys. Honestly, why can’t I just work out in peace? And if I wanted to meet a nice guy, (and trust me, I’m not there), then…well, why isn’t it possible? Because then, later, as I’m like climbing Mount Everest, barely able to hang on, Bench Press Billy walks by and gives me a high five. Give me a break buddy!

So much for east coast/west coast differences. They’re all bizarre.

Or maybe they try too hard.


Yes, I knew he was there. And yes, I was trying oh-so-hard to ignore him, to pretend I didn’t see, to just get through my workout and leave…so maybe I’m trying too hard to avoid them? Maybe I know what I want and I’m counting out all the others until “I know it when I see it” arrives? But how do I even know that? And is that a ridiculous notion. And come on, am I wasting my time thinking that will ever happen?

Or really, are we all just trying too hard, one way or another? One person is trying too hard to get someone’s attention, while another is trying too hard to avoid them. Maybe the key is to just stop trying? But we’ve heard that before, haven’t we? “Just stop trying, and it’ll happen.” What will happen? Love will magically fall into your lap? I’m not quite sure I buy it. I feel like I’m been “stopped” for a while, and my lap is pretty empty.

So maybe it’s different than that. You don’t try so hard that you’re falling all over yourself to get the girl, but you don’t try so hard to avoid the guy that you’re counting out every single guy that comes along. There has to be a happy medium, and you have to find yourself in that medium, and while you’re there — happy.

So don’t just sit there and wait, because that will do no good. There has to be some sort of seeking. Maybe opening your eyes wider. Noticing. But not just what you like, also what you don’t like, because then, again, when he does come around, you need to know it. And you will. Trust me, when “he” is in your presence, you will know it, and that’s when you’ll start acting like the moron. So brace yourself.

I’ve come to the conclusion, dear friends, that I maybe have a problem with my Date-Dar. Oh, my dating woes continue. An older male friend recently told me: “Guys could be falling in love you all the time, but you wouldn’t know it.” What??? Yes I would. Because they aren’t. What are you talking about? He told me I’m not letting myself see it…or some psychobabble like that. Maybe it’s because I do have the ideal of what I want, and that’s that. But this is part two of the problem — how do we open our perceptions so not to turn down potential suitors…that really have potential???

It’s an interesting case…or I’m an interesting case. But it is hard — to know who is going to make you happy, and just how long it’s going to take to figure it out. Who you’re compatible with is a difficult thing to know and sometimes it’s easier to not try than it is to try, which may have also been my problem in the past. Hey…maybe that’s why all those people just tell us to “stop trying.” They’re just lazy!

I say the answer is to not be lazy, but not be too ambitious. Too keep your eyes open but not too wide — that’s scary. Just be aware. Don’t count yourself out—ever. Because you never know what could happen. And never turn down an opportunity for love. So what if you’re waiting for “the next guy?” You think you are at least. Do you really know if that’s ever going to happen? Probably not. So get in the game, stop turning people down, and see what fun you can have. There’s no sense in avoiding because you’re just depriving yourself of potential happiness. And I wouldn’t want that for any of you…or myself. So maybe I should get out there and stop being a sissy. Maybe start trying.

Same time, same place, right?

Just kidding, I really didn’t like him.

But different time, same place, might work.

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at

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