Dating Tips Advice Column:
Opposites Attract - is that Good or Bad?

Dear Dating Tips,
I've been doing the online dating thing for about a year with mixed results. Recently I met this guy and we really hit it off. But the thing is that we seem to be opposites in many ways. Yet we are highly attracted to each other. Any advice on the subject of opposites? ~ Opposite Attraction

Dear Opposite Attraction,
The saying "opposites attract" is definitely true in some instances. Perhaps it's the diversity of difference that creates the initial attraction - the other person has things (traits, etc.) that you don't and vice versa. Some people find the difference exciting.

The way you are opposites and the way you communicate as opposites is the key as to whether you can build a successful foundation with each other. Let's examine an extreme situation:

You're a republican - he's a democrat.
You're a vegetarian - he's a meat eater.
You hate horror movies - he absolutely loves horror movies.
You love romantic movies - he can't stand romantic movies.
You're an extrovert - he's an introvert.

In the short term, you may be able to work around these issues, but what about the long term? When you want to go to a party with him and he doesn't want to go, how will you feel going alone? When a romantic movie comes out that you want to see opening day in the theater and he wants to see "Freddy 12: A Murderer Has a Dozen Lives" instead, what will you do? Go alone? Split up to see different films?

There can definitely be long term consequences when a person is a strong opposite of you. Yet, the way you communicate with each other is the key as to how your relationship will work. Look at Arnold Schwartzenegger. He's a republican (and now governor of California). His wife is a democrat with ties to the democratic Kennedy clan. Yet they appear to be very happily married and she fully supported his campaign to be Governor of California.

Stubbornness in a relationship where opposites attract will bring about disastrous results. Being open and open-minded, with a strong ability from both people to compromise, can create an environment of security and contentment amongst opposites.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1) Can you live with the differences or would you rather share your time with someone who likes and wants similar things that you do?

2) What is the foundation of your relationship based on?

3) Does being opposite create conflicts in your relationship?

4) What is it about the differences that you find exciting and stimulating?

5) Are you both great communicators with the ability to compromise?

6) Do you find that being opposites help compliment the relationship versus bringing conflict?

Being opposites can work if they are complimentary to the relationship and both people are open-minded with the ability to compromise when needed. Not having those abilities could create potential conflict leading to a bitter breakup. You need to analyze which category your relationship falls into. Good luck! ~ The Dating Tipster

P.S. If you are in a healthy relationship where the person is opposite of you, be sure to remind him once in awhile of the things you appreciate about him! Hopefully this is reciprocated.

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