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Dating Tips Advice Column:
When Should the First Phone Call Happen?

Dear Dating Tips,
I've been emailing and messaging a really nice girl for the past few days. I'm thinking that at some point we should talk on the phone, but I'm unsure of when to make that first phone call and what to say when I call her. Is it too soon? ~ Phone Help Needed

Dear Phone Help Needed,

It's always interesting to study the differences between online dating and offline dating. In offline dating, two people may initiate a short conversation then exchange phone numbers. In online dating there seems to be a lot more caution as to when two people should chat on the phone even though they may have already spent hours emailing and messaging each other. And everyone's different in this area. Some guys ask for a girls phone number within one to two emails. My personal preference is to get to know someone through a couple of emails and messenger chats and if I see chemistry, then take it to the next level.

In your case, it seems that the both of you may already share a lot of chemistry online, therefore there's nothing wrong with asking her for her phone number now and giving her a call. If you've found your ability to communicate through messaging to be extremely easy, then there's no doubt that you'll also find talking to her on the phone just as easy.

Here's an approach you may want to take. Next time you're having one of your fun messaging chats type something like "hey, how would you like to chat on the phone?" Her response would likely be positive. You can then get her phone number and immediately call her (since you're simply continuing your online chat). This makes it easy for you as you are not sitting on her number wondering when to call and what to say - you are naturally just doing it and continuing a conversation you've already been discussing.

If you feel that you need to be "prepared," then print out her profile in advance and highlight her interests. This is key to formulating questions for her based on things she likes. And, as a general rule, do most of the question asking. Most women seem to be much more impressed with a guy who wants to find out a lot about them versus one who dominates the conversation. This also preserves a bit of "mystery" about you that may intrigue her. Soon you'll find her suddenly wanting to know a lot more about you.

Train yourself to be perceptive in conversations. Listen carefully to what she says and ask follow-up questions. This not only let's her know you're a good listener, but also lets her know that you're interested in what she has to say. Be genuine about this as it is pretty thrilling to get to know someone you have an interest in.

Finally, make note of important things she tells you. For example, if she says her favorite food is Mexican Food then there's a good indication of the first type of place you should eat when you meet in person.

Make this time about her and just have fun. You'll find talking to her to be quite as natural as messaging her. ~ The Dating Tipster

If you have a question for The Dating Tipster, simply email your question to Most questions are answered within 48 hours and your privacy details (i.e. email address) are always kept confidential and never used for any other purpose).

How has your experience with online dating or relationships been? Take a moment to share your experience! Our readers appreciate being able to read, and learn from, the experiences of people like you.


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