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Dating Tips Advice Column:
How Can I Get Better Matches?

Dear Dating Tips,
I'm a single female that has used various online dating services for several months. My problem is that the guys that contact me are all turning out to be duds. I'm frustrated to the point that I'm thinking of giving up on this whole online dating thing. Are there any good men on these services? ~ Matchless in Seattle

Dear Matchless in Seattle,

Your message reminds me of a female friend that recently told me she was "done with this whole online dating thing" out of frustration.

To answer your question, yes there are good men in the online dating scene. The key here is that you have to find them. The situation that you and my friend brought up is representative of a problem with many dating sites. The problem is that when a female signs up for a service like LavaLife, she is constantly bombarded with emails and instant messages from men. All of her time is generally spent communicating with these men that are finding her. As a result, it can be easy to get frustrated when these communications lead to very little chemistry. So here is a solution:

You must become the huntress.

Because most dating services are 70% men and 30% women, it is very easy for a woman to only communicate with men choosing her. But if you step out there and begin doing your own detailed searches, you are bound to find men with whom you have a lot more in common. In general, women tend to be more intuitive in knowing what they want versus men. So reverse the trend and take it upon yourself to initiate communication with men you find interesting.

Now, this isn't always easy because in the LavaLife example, one of LavaLife's biggest downfalls is that members cannot turn of the instant message feature. So as soon as you log on, your time is spent dealing with instant messaging. What you need to do is hide your profile. Temporarily turn your profile off so that you can spend quality time going through hundreds of profiles of men. Find ones you like and initiate the first communication. By doing this, I think you'll find much better results.

Another solution is to stop using dating services that automatically let you see everyone else who is a member. You may want to try a more defined matching service like or Romantic Planet.

And yet another solution is to use an offline dating service where you go to a branch office for a one-on-one interview and they use extensive matching techniques to find local people who are highly compatible with you.

Whatever direction you go in, I hope you eventually find that perfect match that will compliment you and forever be your perfect mate. ~ The Dating Tipster

If you have a question for The Dating Tipster, simply email your question to Most questions are answered within 48 hours and your privacy details (i.e. email address) are always kept confidential and never used for any other purpose).

How has your experience with online dating or relationships been? Take a moment to share your experience! Our readers appreciate being able to read, and learn from, the experiences of people like you.


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