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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

Staying on the Dating Course Track

It's very easy to get so involved in whatever you’re doing, that you don't notice it when you might be drifting off track. Usually, it doesn’t happen immediately. For a long while, whatever goal you may have, is regularly attended to, and you may even develop specific target points to keep you on course. Almost imperceptibly, you may arrive at a point that has nothing to do with where you had imagined you want to be.

As life shifts and changes, it often resembles a rambling river, ever fluid. As much as we might try to keep our feet stepping forward, on solid ground, living life is much more like being on the water. And while we can take action that points in the right direction, to get back into the right position, we still must accept that there will always be waves to contend with, and currents, floating us into unexpected directions.


Therefore, it is a good idea, to regularly take stock of where you are presently, in comparison to where you want to be, on a regular basis. Does your activity align with what is most important to you, in terms of the kind of relationship you really want to have? Is the path you're on, still viable in terms of what your goals are in that regard, or do you find yourself wasting time with people or activities that generally do not seem to foster any of your relationship goals, or energize you in any way toward them?

If the answer is “yes,” that you are finding yourself in situations that don’t seem to match with what you’d like to be doing, or the kinds of people you’re interested in, then it may be time to reassess your situation and develop a new plan of action.

It’s very important to regularly build in a checks and balances system, because it’s very easy to drift so far off the path that the only option to return to the track you were on, is to endure a major change. It’s really quite simple: would you rather make periodic course corrections, to stay on track, or have to confront the upheaval of a significant change? Not only is a major upheaval sometimes unpleasant to deal with, but it can also require a huge amount of time, to orchestrate and then execute it. It almost always takes more time and energy to fix something, than to “do it right the first time.” And one way to accomplish this, is to have a plan, try to stick to it, and then check on that plan periodically to ensure that you are still on the right course.

Another time stealer, is wasted energy. If you find that you are regularly spending time on people and activities that you really aren’t all that passionate about, rather than beat yourself up about it, or invalidate yourself, simply realize what you are doing, and change that. Don’t waste time on negative energy by getting upset at things that, in the greater scheme of things, aren't really all that important. Just because you’ve wasted some time, it doesn’t mean that it is then necessary to berate yourself over it. And just as this applies in terms of your relationship goals, it also holds true for just about anything else you can think of. It’s amazing how much time people spend on negative influences in their lives. It’s far more damaging than people realize; if you were to totally eliminate all negative thought, and instead, put those energies toward positive influences, not only would you save a great deal of time, but you could add to that, all of the time you wouldn’t have to spend chasing after your dream, because of all of the positive things that would begin to happen, just by focusing on positive energy. In other words, just by dealing with the positive on a regular energy, more positive situations may automatically come your way, without your even having to expend any extra energy.

Nonetheless, things do go wrong in life. We go off course. That is the nature of life. It’s just that when these things happen, it’s all about how you choose to deal with it, that really matters. It’s been said many times before; it’s the process that matters, often more than the result itself. Because we often spend more time in the process, than with the end result. This is because in order to grow as human beings, it is necessary to constantly have goals, in all areas of our lives. That’s what keeps life interesting and worth living.

Once you accomplish some basic relationship goals, then it’s time to address where to go from there. It could be that you’ve met some amazing people, and need to focus on determining whom to spend more time with. And, perhaps, focus on one individual. After that phase, if that person is the one you think you’d like to commit to, then it’s about figuring out how your lives will mesh, and continue to grow. If that person turns out not to be the one you think you could have a future with, then it’s time to get back into the dating pool again, attend more social activities, etc., to meet more people of the caliber and ilk you’re interested in.

As you continue on your relationship journey, whatever it may be, by keeping it all in perspective, you can avoided a great deal of emotional wear and tear. In addition, by managing your time, reassessing your situation and redeveloping your goals, you can save a lot of energy for the things that matter most to you, and are most important in your life, as well. Those actions will help you to attain your goals in that regard, as you continue to attract the kinds of people you really want in your life.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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