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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

Chemistry 101

Just as in most areas of life, there is a gradient scale to developing chemistry on a human level. While many people believe that chemistry must be completely “natural,” it often is; however, taking the time to get to know someone, can actually foster the growth of chemistry between people.

One of the top qualities those who are dating find most important, is “chemistry.” The term invokes strong images with regard to dating and love relationships. Often described as an emotion that creates excitement, there are physical affects that include breathlessness, weak knees, sweaty palms, heart racing and body tingling with nervousness.

Compatibility is easier to define than chemistry. Compatibility is usually determined by the same interests, lifestyles, goals, and direction in life. The only way to determine it, usually, is in person. Just because you have similar interests, values, and backgrounds, doesn’t mean you have real chemistry. Chemistry is more difficult to define. It’s always nice to find someone with whom a compatibility is shared, but compatibility alone does not cause good, long-lasting relationships. While compatibility is always good, it may not be enough for the long haul if that’s all there is.


Most people believe that chemistry is so important, that real love cannot exist without it. It is because of this, that people surmise that if they experience intense feelings, it serves as the foundation for the basis of an ideal and lasting relationship.
While this could be true, the reality is that while it’s important, it isn’t the be-all and end-all of a relationship. This is because chemistry, in and of itself, lacks an entire dimension that includes the core values and beliefs that define personality and viewpoint.

Through numerous studies, scientists have determined that people physically release potent chemical signals that can have profound effects on people.

There has been research that indicates that humans produce and respond to "pheromones," (usually odorless, airborne molecules) which, in other species, determine such physiological behaviors as the recognition of family members, mate choice, and the process of distinguishing between friend and enemy.

The new research shows that women's underarm odors can alter the timing of other women's reproductive cycles. The finding has also led to the discovery of compounds in sweat that could be incorporated into fragrances to alter body chemistry or mood.

Scientific studies at Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia have indicated that the evidence has become quite strong that humans produce and detect pheromones.

Pheromones have been documented in many species, from insects to elephants, as alarm signals, sex attractants, or kinship identifiers. There is ample evidence, for example, that babies show a clear preference for pieces of clothing that have been worn by their own mothers. Several years ago, researchers in Utah, after claiming to have identified the first human pheromones, turned their discovery into a line of perfumes that reached revenue of $40 million a year.

Carefully controlled studies have clearly shown, that the potential for chemical communication involving sexual function has been preserved in humans during evolution.

If pheromones do have a big effect on human physiology, people may want to adjust heavy use of soaps and perfumes. It just may be, that the constant washing away or covering up of the natural chemical composition of human bodies, could account for some of the loneliness or depression in modern society.

In order to determine if the right connection exists between potential (or existing) partners, it's important, instead of embracing only the myths that surround it, to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of.

Sexual Tension is a component of physical chemistry. It's a feeling you get when you're in the presence of someone you're attracted to, and part of the scenario includes obstacles, anticipation, perhaps humor, and/or other ingredients that increase the attraction, thereby increasing the tension in the situation. Sexual tension consists of the combination of being pulled toward someone, but also feeling resistance at the same time.

It's about not knowing what's going to happen, but being on the edge of your seat wanting to know what's going to happen. And realizing all that, it's easier to feel comfortable. If you are attracted to someone physically, you're going to know in a matter of 10 seconds, and if it's mutual, then the fun is just about to start.

Each level of chemistry must be dealt with and “passed.” It’s important to spend the appropriate amount of time at each level. Those who spend too much time at any level, are going to risk succumbing to a projected image of an ideal fantasy. This happens easily, because the mind plays tricks, in a form of escape and wishful thinking. Instead, try to trust instincts.

It’s important to determine: With regard to the person you’re interested in, if the two of you didn’t enjoy doing certain activities together, would the relationship stand on its own? If that is the case, then you may have found your soul mate. If not, then you may merely have more of a friendship relationship, rather than the entire package, including real chemistry. If there is any doubt, proceed with caution and ensure that you’re really into the person – and not merely the surface things that indicate that your lifestyles are in sync. The reality is, that without chemistry, the relationship could wind up being just a fantastic friendship, instead of a life-long romance.

Conversely, it’s also important to realize how important chemistry is, and find a balance between compatibility and chemistry, in order to know if proceeding in a dating relationship is worthwhile.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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